like this right now, i really don't know whatever will come next...but i'm excited to face the future nonetheless, the sky is brighter and full of exciting opportunities ahead once again i'm happy that i can spend more time with my friends now. isn't that what i have always wanted? so i HAVE TO be happy. XOXO.

Currently listening to: paula deanda - easy

The broken clock is a comfort, it helps me sleep tonight
Maybe it can stop tomorrow from stealing all my time
And I am here still waiting though I still have my doubts
I am damaged at best, like you've already figured out

I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing
With a broken heart that's still beating
In the pain there is healing
In your name I find meaning

The broken locks were a warning you got inside my head
I tried my best to be guarded, I'm an open book instead
And I still see your reflection inside of my eyes
That are looking for purpose, they're still looking for life

I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing
With a broken heart that's still beating
In the pain (In the pain) there's the healing
In your name (In your name) I find meaning
So I'm holdin' on, (I'm still holdin')
I'm holdin' on, (I'm still holdin')
I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin')
I'm barely holdin' on to you

I'm hanging on another day
Just to see what you will throw my way
And I'm hanging on to the words you say
You said that I would, would be ok

The broken lights on the freeway left me here alone
I may have lost my way now, haven't forgotten my way home

I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing
With a broken heart that's still beating
In the pain (In the pain) there is healing
In your name (In your name) I find meaning
So I'm holdin' on, (I'm still holdin)
I'm holdin' on, (I'm still holdin')
I'm holdin' on, (I'm still holdin')
I'm barely holdin' on to you

I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin')
I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin')
I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin')
I'm barely holdin' on to you

"Collide"

The dawn is breaking
A light shining through
You're barely waking
And I'm tangled up in you
Yeah

I'm open, you're closed
Where I follow, you'll go
I worry I won't see your face
Light up again

Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to rhyme
Out of the doubt that fills my mind
I somehow find
You and I collide

I'm quiet you know
You make a first impression
I've found I'm scared to know I'm always on your mind

Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the stars refuse to shine
Out of the back you fall in time
I somehow find
You and I collide

Don't stop here
I lost my place
I'm close behind

Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to rhyme
Out of the doubt that fills your mind
You finally find
You and I collide

You finally find
You and I collide
You finally find
You and I collide

She rolls the window down
And she
Talks over the sound
Of the cars that pass us by
And I don't know why
But she's changed my mind

[Chorus:]
Would you look at her
She looks at me
She's got me thinking about her constantly
But she don't know how I feel
And as she carries on without a doubt
I wonder if she's figured out
I'm crazy for this girl

She was the one to hold me
The night
The sky fell down
And what was I thinking when
The world didn't end
Why didn't I know what I know now

[Chorus]

Right now
Face to face
All my fears
Pushed aside
And right now
I'm ready to spend the rest of my life
With you

[Chorus 2x]

What day is it? And in what month?
This clock never seemed so alive
I can't keep up and I can't back down
I've been losing so much time

'Cause it's you and me and all of the people with nothing to do
Nothing to lose
And it's you and me and all other people
And I don't know why, I can't keep my eyes off of you

One of the things that I want to say just aren't coming out right
I'm tripping on words
You've got my head spinning
I don't know where to go from here

'Cause it's you and me and all of the people with nothing to do
Nothing to prove
And it's you and me and all other people
And I don't know why, I can't keep my eyes off of you

There's something about you now
I can't quite figure out
Everything she does is beautiful
Everything she does is right

'Cause it's you and me and all of the people with nothing to do
Nothing to lose
And it's you and me and all other people
And I don't know why, I can't keep my eyes off of you
and me and all other people with nothing to do
Nothing to prove
And it's you and me and all other people
And I don't know why, I can't keep my eyes off of you

What day is it?
And in what month?
This clock never seemed so alive

This time, what I want is you
There is no one else, who can take your place
This time, you burn me with your eyes
You see past all the lies
You take it all away

I've seen it all and it's never enough, it keeps leaving me needing you

Take me away, take me away
I've got nothing left to say, just take me away

I try, to make my way to you
But still I feel so lost
I don't know what else I can do
I've seen it all, it was never enough, it keeps leaving me needing you

Take me away, take me away
I've got nothing left to say, just take me away

Don't give up on me yet, don't forget who I am
I know I'm not there yet, but don't let me stay here alone

This time, what I want is you
There is no one else, who can take your place
I've seen enough and it's never enough it keeps leaving me needing you

Take me away, take me away
I've got nothing left to say, just take me away
Take me away, take me away
I've got nothing left to say, just take me away

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FbYeKQf7TKc

so many good songs with titles I've never known before, how can this be?

I have always been having this trust issue with the men in my life due to my family background, I dunno whether it's going to repeat itself again in the future. once broken and torn, my trust is almost impossible to rebuild again from pieces. but the next one is going to be the last one I hope, no matter who that is. he's gotta be the lucky one (or not so...?).

Currently listening to: nugie - pelukis malam
Currently feeling: sakit maag ugh

Kucoba memahami tempatku berlabuh
Terdampar dikeruhnya satu sisi dunia
Hadir di muka bumi tak tersaji indah
Kuingin rasakan cinta...
Lusuh lalu tercipta mendekap diriku
Hanya usang sahaja kudamba Kirana
Ratapan mulai usang, nur yang kumohon
Kuingin rasakan cinta..
Manis seperti mereka...
Ayah bunda tercinta satu yang tersisa
Mengapa kau tiupkan nafasku ke dunia
Hidup tak kusesali mungkin kutangisi
Kuingin rasakan cinta...
Peluhkupun mengering menanti jawaban
Tak akan pernah usai cintaku padamu
Hanya kata yang lugas yang kini tercipta
Kuingin rasakan cinta...
S'makin jauh kumelangkah
S'makin perih jejak langkahku
Harikupun semakin sombong
Meski hidup terus berjalan.... terus berjalan
Kirana jamah aku jamahlah rinduku
Hanya wangi terurai yang dapat kucumbu
Ayah bunda tercinta satu yang tersisa
Mengapa kau tiupkan nafasku ke dunia
Hidup tak kusesali mungkin kutangisi
Kuingin rasakan cinta
Manis seperti mereka
Tulus seperti adanya
Suci seperti dirimu
Ingin rasakan cintamu
Kirana jamah aku jamahlah rinduku
Tak akan pernah usai cintaku padamu
Hanya kata yang lugas yang kini tersisa
Kuingin rasakan cinta......

i want to believe again that this could be the start of something more wonderful instead of an ending i don't want to come to peace with. God and you all be my help.

because only 1 hand clapping with air doesnt produce any sound.

only people having the same specific goals in life are allowed from now on.

this was my thought when i was in my 23s.

i wonder how it is gonna be like when i'm like 27 or older.

anyway, life goes on. so long evil step mother. i burried you in my past today.

i crossed my heart about this.

i'm thinking of learning something fun in life, trying to fulfill God's plans for my life.

is this a good thing?

what's wrong with dating? without physical contacts, dating should be harmless when the purpose is to get to know each other better as friends. otherwise, how are you going to get to know someone better in real life? what if you just don't get to meet that person so often? then your range of choice is too limited! through chatting? that is a SUPER GEEKY way. major pitfall. communicate la, face to face.

personally, i take dating as harmless provided both parties know their limits and do not harbor any premature hope.

p.s. to pat: i still haven't found the tall, unique-faced, and witty model guy (but that's like the male equivalent of me ) with whom i wanted to share the love for fashion! hahaha everyone around me is unfortunately too conventional style-wise. i need a more adventurous guy, and more importantly someone whom i can depend on and lean on. so must be tall, some more i'm not afraid to wear my heels now. there goes the 176 cm tall me.

for my own note, but wont hurt those who are interested too

- tinggi sih masih 178 cm ke atas

- berat badan pas2an

- kalo bisa suka sastra indon, soalnya gw jg suka banget

- kalo bisa suka fashion or at least selera estetika lmyn high

- kalo bisa romantis and can handle my openminded ness

- kalo bisa sih...humoris dan nyambung sama gw humornya

- kalo bisa pendengar yang baik dan sensitif

- kalo bisa, suka lagu korea kalo nggak lagu indo yg lama2 atau lagu barat yang baru2 (top 40 charts) atau lagu2 acoustic

- kalo bisa, bisa jadi best guy friend ku juga dan aku juga di consider best female friend nya

- kriteria cakep uda rada2 diilangin sih, uda gede skrg

- nggak harus dr biomedical field or chemistry juga

kriteria yang lebih penting nih skrg:

- setia dan terbuka

- wise

- mature enough for me to respect him as a man

- jgn lirik2 sana sini dong

- street smart dan academically smart jg doesnt hurt

- God fearing dong

- seimbang dan sepadan denganku

- loves me enough and knows very well that he wants to be with me and can bear being with me

- of course i have to love him back...not dutifully, but really the love has to be there...where is the love, the love, the love (8)

- punya pandangan bbrp th ke depan (baca: 5-7 th) yg kurang lebih cocok

bottomline: i'm saying goodbye to all the pretty boys...say hello to the more mature guys...

Currently listening to: taylor swift - i'm only me when i'm with you

remember babe, i'm not your girlfriend anymore.

well, too bad, you're gonna miss the girl.

how can i respect those guys? respect comes naturally to those who deserve it.

who needs a guy anyway, when those around you just want to have control over what you can and cannot do as an equal human being.

i'm happy as i am now, alone, taking full charge and responsibility over what i'm going to do in my life for the next 10 years. I don't want to be a promiscuous girl. I'd rather be celibate. after all, after making this decision of pursuing further study, I have become happier and more enthusiastic with my life path.

Currently listening to: the love story cum viva la vida piano cello concoction

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=USUDlMBR-dQ

I am so wanting to watch this!!! eric bana and rachel mcadams look so good together...talking about eric bana, where did all the sexy men go?

that those who could sympathize with me were people (guys and girls) who have gone through the experience of break up too. it's not that i despise those who couldn't sympathize. but this only proves that my theory is once again tried and tested. i need more experienced friends...in this field.

feel like exploring the US or UK...wanna know how life feels like over there..

Currently listening to: avril lavigne - girlfriend

is alive and feeling better than ever.

looking fwd to the outing and ktb later!

deep down in it, the romantic and poetic me, yes, this me...even through many failed experiences, meeting all the wrong guys who just don't belong with me, maybe they belong with somebody else, just not with me, i still want to believe that there is somebody out there who loves me OR will fall in love with me. who really loves me and wants to take full responsibility of me, even when i fall into unexpected hopeless situations. someone who will guide me back to the light. and i will make sure that somebody is really able to do so.

i apologize with the way i've been treating this blog. i wrote all my trashy stuffs in it...it's true, i just can't lie about it. i've covered up some things still...but this is me...i'm not like some other people out there who really covered up themselves and let nobody ever know what they feel and think about on some of the b*tchable-days in their lives. well they're probably guy bloggers anyway. well since one of this blog's purposes is to relieve this head from some emotional burden by sharing it with my closests (though I know those not close to me read this too, hi there readers!), i won't be able to do it that way...i just can't be like them. i hope my faithful readers will remain faithful...even if what they want is just some juicy gossips on me, that is still ok too. well...nothing too juicy really, right?

u know what? i even broke up with my wardrobe and filled it with all the scary black stuffs. black is certainly my new favourite color. it's a recession-proof color, investment-worthy, very powerful looking, and is the it color for a/w 2009-2010. should i be a retail assistant at za*a or something?

on a more random note, I really think this piano cello arrangement is really all-worthy to be posted here, so here you go:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0v3d6SFcDys

(Love story and viva la vida instrumental combo in piano cello by Jon Schmidt, all courtesy of cevy!)

i'm thankful to God for my two beautiful ktbs! and lately i've realized in my walk with God that the more important thing is truly how you react before God...you can't add or reduce God's glory by doing good deeds or doing something bad. It's just that when you react the right way before God, choosing the best option you can choose at a certain time, only that way you can be happiest and your relationship with God can flourish.

Cause it's you and me and all of the people with nothing to do
Nothing to lose
And it's you and me and all of the people and i don't know why i can't keep my eyes off from you

that's why they need an older guy! i have lost the chemistry with that group of guys...the girls are ok, the guys are truly something else. they never grow up except for 1 or 2. those are probably currently not in singapore. i should move on and hang out with other people from other groups from here onward. don't want to get the peterpan syndrome from them. i lag behind and slow down when i'm with them. i am responsible to create my future, although it is in God's hands.

life is not all about nus...nus undergrads...freshmen...modules...projects...lab reports...though i'm coming back to study there! i totally dig people who know what they're going to do in the next 5-10 years. cos i do too. and plan B should always exist no matter what. plan C will be saved for after some time of reflection.

time for some research...here I come baby!

how to be sweet when you just want to be a punk?

the best analogy to describe it now would be the blair waldorf's case. she had always wanted to go into Yale ever since she was small. She had done everything she could to make it happen. She was so looking fwd to it until just because of a lousy English teacher she got a C and couldn't get into the university. As an alternative, her step father could get her into NYU. But then eventhough we never know what NYU could possibly offer her, but the feeling would be like so different from expectation. Some more she didn't apply to any other universities. No alternative plan prepared beforehand. You get what I mean?

Anyway, I'll go NYU. I'll settle down with my next closest plan, even if currently this problem is eating my heart out.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DQ0txrb9Frk&feature=related

Currently feeling: why so serious?

cos i'm just a mildly-tempered and spunky girl like those kdrama heroines, just a bit less rude since i'm not from that country. yes, i know girls from that country quite well. certainly a girl next door who loves to chill out, doesn't like to bother people so much. doesn't like over talkative guys who sometimes bluff. can be crazy sometimes, got moodswings like most other girls (the hormonal cycle, duh). likes to socialize with smart, independent people who won't bother so much and yet caring and sensitive at needed times. can be playful (seen through my fashion sense, when i'm not pretending to play the demure role, oh yes, the playful one is the real me. I am in love with creativity and am looking for my muse almost every hour!), though not flirty. loves science and fashion at the same time. sounds pretty much like a normal girl, minus the spunky part!

can we all just be our normal selves and still get along? oh well, i need to go off to work...

Heard the song when I was around To*shop and took immediate liking to it...Daisy has a sudden new interest in electro-pop? I love the trendy feel of the music...here you go:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NQdC7h609k8

Been there, done that, messed around
I'm having fun don't put me down,
I'll never let you sweep me off my feet,
I won't let you in again, the messages I've tried to send,
my informations' just not going in,
burnin' bridges shore to shore, I'll break away from something more,
I'm not to not to love until it's cheap,
been there, done that, messed around,
I'm having fun don't put me down,
I'll never let you sweep me off my feet,

Chorus:
This time baby I'll be bulletproof
This time baby I'll be bulletproof

I won't let you turn around,
and tell me now I'm much too proud,
to walk away from something when it's dead,
do do do your dirty words come out to play when you are heard?,
there's certain things that should be left unsaid,
tick tick tick on the watch and life's too short for me to stop,
Oh baby, your time is running out,
I won't let you turn around,
and tell me now I'm much too proud,
All you do is fill me up with doubt,

Chorus:
This time baby I'll be bulletproof
This time baby I'll be bulletproof
This time baby I'll be bulletproof
This time baby I'll be bulletproof

Bridge

Chorus:
This time baby I'll be bulletproof
This time baby I'll be bulletproof
This time baby, this time baby
This time baby, this time
This time baby, this time baby
This time baby, this time.

should we all have faith in the tigerstripes issue? how how to solve this?

decisions left to make...for mother of the tigers.

even *** pictures also require faith in its most fundamental theory.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3tHmTfUS3JQ

I'm really getting into electropop now!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XzdgjyLJ5CY

i'm oh so in love with this version of what can i do by the corrs. just listened to it in my friend's car...the background orchestra is so beautiful.

What can I do to make you love me
What can I do to make you care
What can I say to make you feel this
What can I do to get you there

and i would rather somebody whom i truly can love, not trying to love, cos it's so tiring and it's like trying to break a wall...lalala for now let me imagine this a reality. sweet dreams, girl...i'm oh so talking to myself, yeah right...it's too late at night already anyway. so ignore me.

Currently feeling: back from batam trip, who hoo!!

shouldn't we try to make life a little bit more exciting? living a life too typically normal is not exciting for me...me and my one-liners =P

when life gives you lemons, make lemonade out of it!

those who are too conventional would not like me, unless they secretly wish to be a little bit unconventional.

Here's my rant of the day: I dunno why western people often curse using God's name, it's quite perplexing...and annoying I must say. Why would somebody use a person whom they don't even know about to curse. It's like "Daisy Setyono, why would you do that?!" when you don't even know who Daisy Setyono is. Anyway, there is a little bit sensibility left if not none in the sentence anyway...so yeah, there goes...

Currently listening to: alanis morissette - ironic

Tak ada manusia
Yang terlahir sempurna
Jangan kau sesali
Segala yang telah terjadi

Kita pasti pernah
Dapatkan cobaan yang berat
Seakan hidup ini
Tak ada artinya lagi

Reff 1:
Syukuri apa yang ada
Hidup adalah anugerah
Tetap jalani hidup ini
Melakukan yang terbaik

Tak ada manusia
Yang terlahir sempurna
Jangan kau sesali
Segala yang telah terjadi

Back to: Reff 1

Reff 2:
Tuhan pasti kan menunjukkan
Kebesaran dan kuasanya
Bagi hambanya yang sabar
Dan tak kenal putus asa

Bridge:
Jangan menyerah (6x)

Back to: Reff 1 & Reff 2

Coda:
Dan tak kenal putus asa (2x)

i feel so unworthy of love from anyone lately. i have been a bad girl and this is bad...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c6W9wxJCAvQ

tak bisa hatiku merapikan cinta, karna cinta tersirat bukan tersurat..(8)

not happening to me (if ever anyway)...but I love this song!

you have ar** you won't have me around.

you have me you won't have ar** around.

so you have to choose, people.

that's the law of nature until i don't know when.

live with it.

you want him, then forsake me.

expel me from your community.

i AM suffering now cos i'm losing the crowd and only maintaining 2-3 people around me, but still being in that community would kill me more.

look, who is selfish now?

in times like this, i know who my friends are, and who are not.

let other healthy relationships replace my former nus "kids" community.

“Heal me, O Lord, and I shall be healed.”

Jeremiah 17:14

“I have seen his ways, and will heal him.”

Isaiah 57:18

It is the sole prerogative of God to remove spiritual disease. Natural disease may be instrumentally healed by men, but even then the honor is to be given to God who giveth virtue unto medicine, and bestoweth power unto the human frame to cast off disease. As for spiritual sicknesses, these remain with the great Physician alone; he claims it as his prerogative, “I kill and I make alive, I wound and I heal;” and one of the Lord’s choice titles is Jehovah-Rophi, the Lord that healeth thee. “I will heal thee of thy wounds,” is a promise which could not come from the lip of man, but only from the mouth of the eternal God. On this account the psalmist cried unto the Lord, “O Lord, heal me, for my bones are sore vexed,” and again, “Heal my soul, for I have sinned against thee.” For this, also, the godly praise the name of the Lord, saying, “He healeth all our diseases.” He who made man can restore man; he who was at first the creator of our nature can new create it. What a transcendent comfort it is that in the person of Jesus “dwelleth all the fulness of the Godhead bodily!” My soul, whatever thy disease may be, this great Physician can heal thee. If he be God, there can be no limit to his power. Come then with the blind eye of darkened understanding, come with the limping foot of wasted energy, come with the maimed hand of weak faith, the fever of an angry temper, or the ague of shivering despondency, come just as thou art, for he who is God can certainly restore thee of thy plague. None shall restrain the healing virtue which proceeds from Jesus our Lord. Legions of devils have been made to own the power of the beloved Physician, and never once has he been baffled. All his patients have been cured in the past and shall be in the future, and thou shalt be one among them, my friend, if thou wilt but rest thyself in him this night.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CR41GzxtFg4

love this song too!

Maukah kau tuk menjadi pilihanku
Menjadi yang terakhir dalam hidupku
Maukah kau tuk menjadi yang pertama
Yang selalu ada di saat pagi ku membuka mata