one of the freakiest movie ever, the more I think about it the more psychologically traumated I become. The main character is a really scary character cos she lost her mind and I just couldn't figure out what she's going to do next. all the emotional hysteria is realistic, yes it is. this is what i admire from korean actors and actresses, they portray very difficult emotions very very well. If the purpose of the movie was as a sattire to those who follow religions blindly for personal motives, then yes I think it's very successful.

the camera angle gave me the chills and I successfully got nightmares last night...sooo freaky. she's almost like the korean version of "may". 

Currently feeling: freaked out

do not want those things which are bad for you.

I dunno why some people just want bad stuffs, junk food, bad partner, bad friends, bad jobs, and other things...they should want what God wants them to want. 

Tonight please die.

my thoughts are jumbled and all my feelings are mixed up right now. I slept for 4 and a half hrs last night doing the so-called draft. And...it's not even finished yet! During this one whole year, I've been getting indigestions due to not eating regularly. Life certainly has been tough in the matter of study. And so, I did photoluminescence studies together with my mentor today, the whole day, from 1.30-6.30 around...actually I do not know what to say anymore. This is the time when your other self actually betrays you all the time, leaving your real self not being able to do anything about it. who's the real you? I wanted to do a lot because my FYP is ending soon. I wanted to do the best in this research area...I honestly want all glory to go to God alone. Praise the Lord if I've got pretty colored results until now. But, of course some others benefit from this, if not take advantage of it. If you all still don't understand what I'm talking about, ok lah...aku "dikudai". Hey, c'mon, my mentor even asked me just now, when I'm going to quit the lab...and it's just to give me more works to do while my fyp is finishing soon :s hey...who would want to do all those? Ok, the university has been pressurizing the research staff to produce a certain number of papers in a year...certainly for chemistry staff it must be really high. Can you believe that a chemistry PhD student roughly has to publish 6-7 papers during their four years of study in order to look successful in the eyes of a staff? No wonder then the PhD students pressurize honours students. This is insane. God...what is this thing?! This kind of impression is the one that drives me far far away from doing PhD in chem in NUS. Rlly if I should go somewhere to pursue my PhD, I will go somewhere away from sg.

This is it...the time when you actually don't know what you've been doing anymore. You wanted to do the best, serve your boss just as you serve the Lord, with obedience and respect...but you've been abused by your boss...and by that mean, you fail to honour the Lord. Now, what to do?

This is also one reason why I chose to apply to A*****, because I won't be forced/coerced in any way to do work during weekends. Just now my mentor also offered me to come on Sunday to do photoluminescence for the oligomers. Of course I rejected la. I just hate NUS chemistry =( all the research fellows always work Mondays-Sundays and the postgrad students do work on Monday-Saturday nights :s maybe other departments are not like this, but who knows? I want to quickly end my FYP, pack up my things, and move on to my next employer...for God's sake...*sigh*

do you notice that usually after a period of madness, God usually gives you a rest? It was so during my internship...After NUS, I hope to get one whole year of living well, eating well, sleeping well at least 7 hrs per day, working hard on weekdays and doing some other stuffs on weekends, get some self-reflection times, and just plan accordingly what I'm going to do in the next few years.

I hope I won't get hospitalized or die prematurely because of acute gastric weakness. And I don't want to create an Autumn in My Heart/Endless Love scene IRL...My stomach always hurts if I don't eat in five hours or so. And of course it's been often like this ever since this fyp. I've been swallowing all the pain to myself, and I am not sure if there is any holes or not in the stomach. sometimes you know...we don't only have to have faith, but we do have to take care of ourselves too.

daisy, do not kill yourself.

Currently feeling: in pain

fat pepper: "Idiot! if you keep going, you'll starve to death! Just eat!"

tall pepper: "Cannot.. I still have to lose 3 kgs..."

from komusin.pe.kr

http://www.mysoju.com/who-are-you/episode-1/part-2/

I secretly wish for a dad like Young-in's in "Who Are You?" Pssst...don't tell my real dad =P "Who are You?" is one series I'm going to watch after Hong Gil Dong definitely =D Lovely...

Currently feeling: gippeo

you have a roommate who always wakes you up :D whether it's right or wrong, you're just plain waken up. you're not allowed to sleep at 1 PM, you're neither allowed to sleep at 1030 PM. no, i'm not blaming anybody. this is situational. Suddenly I'm considering living all alone in a purchased hdb in singapore when i'm 40. no la, just kidding =P

ok i'm going to sleep soon.

Cha Seung Hyo is an abandoned child who gets adopted in the United States and grows up to be a cold hearted person. Son Il Gun is a father who died, but he left things unfinished with his daughter. In order to make sure that his daughter is provided for he controls Seung Hyo's body for three hours a day for 49 days. He buys his daughter the things he couldn't do when he was alive with Seung Hyo's money. Il Gun's daughter, Young In, is a quick-tempered girl who meets Seung Hyo during her part-time job. At first she has a bad impression of him but she gradually starts to fall for the lonely Seung Hyo who is unable to open up to anyone else because of his bitter past.

i dunno why i rlly like go ara in this drama...and of course yoon kye sang never fails to make me laugh...not as seung hyo, but as dad. his expression is priceless. LOL.

Currently feeling: eye-glued

The Lord made us differently. Calvin, Alleine, and others are 5-talent-men. I am a 2-talent-man. If I try to sleep as little as them, for the ministry’s sake, I may end up doing a lot and accomplishing very little. I must work within the limits of God’s providential endowment.

read more here:

http://pilgrimcovenant.com/publication/main_articles/2004/wklyArt_040208.html

me? I am a 2-talent-man. erm, i mean woman.

the analogy to how they wanted to kill Jesus is evidently there in the drama. how the king and the nobles don't want gil dong to destroy the order of the society (nobles vs peasants), that's why they decided to kill him. it's quite similar to how the Jews didn't want Jesus to change their world, and the Roman empire neither...

i got so many posts today, but I find them quite meaningful to myself at least.

how people are brought up in their own families determine what kind of behaviors they can tolerate and what they can't. maybe i can tolerate angry people cos my family has always been so chaotic, but others cannot. honestly, i think i'm quite easy going.

1. no more labs until exams are over, so nice, so happy...my accent is so Indianized already...I even shake my head like them when asked sometimes...lol finally I dun have to get up at 7 am anymore to get a turn to use the shower room. so nice, so nice...

2. I've just found out that when Indians go abroad, they might actually be cast out from their family. My mentor's parents actually already forbid their son from going back to sg...geez it must be tough being an Indian. It's got to do with Hinduism.

3. my good friend in highschool who shares so many hobbies with me (except kdrama =P) is back, yeah, Melinda is back =D we're going out tommorow to catch up with one another, kewliez...

Currently feeling: sleepy

cerita ttg temen sma yang mba...yang pacaran sama orang pribumi...ngobrolin baju, make up, kebiasaan singaporean, sampe ce sby yang "konon" lebih manis-manis dr ce jkt (apa cuma ce2 sby yg bilang gini? we don't know lol) tapi ngmgnya kasar bikin ilfil dan bajunya norak2. LOL. Buat kita berdua sih udah didowngrade tinggal 20% heheh sampe2 kalo pulang sby dibilang gak asli surabayanya...ngomongin lagu2 yang lirik2nya feminis...ngomongin cinta...ngomongin kerjaan...temen2 satu geng yang dulu pas di 1-7 and shopping...

Surabaya...Petra 2...oh so memorable...

song of d day...funny lyrics...poppish.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KatuF_g8SWE

T2 (Tika & Tiwi) - OK

seandainya kau bilang saja padaku
apa yang kau rasakan
tanpa harus kau diam dan diam lagi
buatku tak mengerti

kau datang dan pergi
seperti sibuk sendiri
kau suka ku suka
tapi berputar-putar

* aku bingung sendiri melihatmu begini
kau buat aku jadi pusing
aku tahu maumu, aku tahu maksudmu
aku mau jawaban, cukup satu jawaban

reff:
aaaaa, OK
aaaaa, OK
bilang saja OK
ku mau kau dengar OK

kau terlalu lama mengulur waktumu
aku jadi capek deh
jelas-jelas kau sudah tahu hatiku
kau tunggu apa lagi

kau datang dan pergi
seperti sibuk sendiri
kau suka ku suka
tapi berputar-putar

repeat *, reff

kenapa lagu indo jadi gini2 semua ya? too much girl power, this is unpretty. eventhough the melody is nice...but, oh well...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=78zjrHFRVMY

utopia - baby doll

seperti menjamah boneka terindah
waktu aku mengenalmu
membuat kau buta
dengan pesonaku

tersesat kau
karena silaumu

kuajak kau melayang tinggi
dan kuhempaskan ke bumi
kumainkan kau sesuka hati
lalu kau kutinggal pergi

dan aku tertawa
melihat kau luka
kau terpuruk dikakiku

kuajak kau melayang tinggi
dan kuhempaskan ke bumi
kumainkan kau sesuka hati
lalu kau kutinggal pergi

kuingin kau rasakan
apa yang dulu kau lakukan
kuingin kau mengerti

kuajak kau melayang tinggi
dan kuhempaskan ke bumi
kumainkan kau sesuka hati
lalu kau kutinggal pergi

Currently feeling: ridiculous

I have just realized yesterday that I wasn't whole-hearted enough to accept that job at ETPL...It was out of desperation. cos if there's a more attractive job offer specialized in research, I will surely ditch this one, even if it got a lower pay, I don't mind. I'm so sorry to the people over there, but I really can't work in that kind of job, can I? I'm too good for such job, I'd waste my talent over there, for a few years, what a waste? My creative brain all wasted over there, I cant stand to keep such thought for a long long time...it's a terrorizing picture in my mind. During the PU last night, the thought kept on chasing me in my head.

I really can't take it...I'm so sorry for giving them hope...I shouldn't have blurted out yes out of desperado...cannot bilang saja ok like that lah. there is something rlly wrong with me...I have just realized that I'm still so immature, I'm such a dummy. I always say yes and give hope to people without thinking much, out of my insecurity. when i was in highschool, i accepted a guy I didn't know much too, out of desperation, just to have a boyfriend...just to prove to the outside world...a girl like me can have a boyfriend too. what a waste of time. i didn't lose much except for time, but still i disappointed people. I accept everything that comes into my way thinking that they're all God-sent. How naive. I cannot be like this forever, I've gotta change. How many people have I disappointed in this way? 

song of d day: ussy sulistyawati - klik

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xkugdaPicWc

i always get addicted to catchy songs like this lol, not because of anything, just bcos it's catchy...ku memang punya trik, buat kau klik, dengan diriku. bukan dengan magic, cuma asyik, saat denganmu (8)

Currently feeling: naive

how could I get myself sleep away until Clementi...when taking bus no 7...my mind has been so misplaced lately...what's going on with daisy?! this is so wrong. i must get it fixed soon.

there's something wrong with the half-left of my mouth, jaw, and throat. I can barely open my mouth to eat, it hurts like after you have your wisdom tooth surgery. how am I supposed to mock present on Monday? I was so in fear when I woke up at 5 am this morning...I brought the matter to God in prayer and feel calmer afterwards...I just can depend on God...my life I put into His hands.

that I will have no friends at all in the end...I am a very different kind of person. I don't accomodate my differences with other people, I rarely compromise and I hate myself when I do. I get up early morning when others haven't arisen (well at least I have one similarity with Jesus =D but I go back to sleep after having a quiet time at 5 am...), I die-die do weekly chores, I hate spending time too much in a community wishywashying, i almost never do last minute work...in the end I will stand there all alone, and still be unbothered about it. I'm much more individualistic and independent than average person. what to do? I think I don't mind all these...how can a person be like me? I haven't found anyone with equal love for the k-culture up until now. it makes me think that i'm very different from my current friends. maybe we all will be separated by distance in the end, and never meet each other again...actually it's kind of great to have friends like Johni, who would pester me everyday in gtalk...seeing how individualistic i've become it's quite great. he still talks to me even when i don't feel like talking to him, in a bad mood, in bad health, or whatever. what a bad a**** I am. haha hope he reads this.

i'm thinking of attending the fellowship for those who have ever considered to be a fulltimer at least once...just to re-confirm that God called me in another way...by now, looking at myself...I don't have anything, not even a character of a mature christian that is worth to be a full-timer. I think I will attend to re-confirm this.

in the mean time, i still have to pray for the burden that I once had for global mission and evangelism. at least take part in a km after this?

p.s. don't you just hate it when you have a certain intuition on something...your intuition is usually right, yet you can't tell your friends for a very sacred reason...oh well...it's not so obvious, but yeah, i can't say anything to anyone.

mau nolak atau ngejauhin orang tanpa menyinggung perasaan orang itu maupun kasih harapan ke orang itu adalah hal yang sangat2 rumit. bener gak, cewek2? oh well...

update on ulcer: akhirnya dikasi antibiotik sm dr uhwc karena katanya gede banget ulcernya, emang iya sih, skrg sakitnya uda sampe ke depan telinga. tapi kata dia, kumur 4x sehari, besoknya harusnya uda mendingan...

Currently feeling: bochap

They replied me at the same time...one with a job offer and the other with an invitation for an interview. The german person said I'd be suitable to work in the organic electronics lab. To be honest, it'd be of my delight to be a research officer. Can I say that this is God's providence that I may try to apply to this german company? because actually the HR of the singapore company called me a few times today, but i couldn't pick up cos i accidentally left my hp at home. otherwise, i dunno what would have happened if they had called first before the german's e-mail came. I will return their call to reject the offer tommorow. i'm so sorry...t'was my fault to be so desperate in the first place. I must apologize. hope they're going to hire someone better than me. i hope li hua was there to apply for this job. she'd surely do this better than me. and there's a person from GRII over there in the german company, eventhough i dunno much about him. he's ivy's friend. i saw him yesterday when ushering.

Thank God...even if in the end the German company reject me...at least i know that my position shouldn't be in company 1 =)

Currently feeling: glad

there are pros and cons of both companies. so here they are:

company 1

1. the boss had just called me, he said that the job won't be like that of a lab technician and that it'd still be research. if this is not serious, why did they invest so much in this project? there are going to be 4 applications which are going to be researched into for the material that has been developed. that's what he claimed about the project and the job.

2. the salary surely will be higher than company 2. if not much higher.

3. will not be stuck in the field of organic semiconductors forever, can cross over to the healthcare area. which I believe is much more needed in Indonesia at the time being compared to semicon...I think the future of organic semicon is still far far away from indo. at least i won't be isolated from working in my home country forever. I mean it is a possibility. and of course i can consider taking graduate studies in medicinal chem or biomaterials.

4. honestly, i'm taken away by their sincerity and kindness...hey i mean c'mon, the HR passed me on to the boss, then the boss himself would call me and clear up my misunderstanding about the project? at least i got the feeling that i'd be a valued employee in this company.

5. my only concern with this company is about the routine work, and now that this misunderstanding has been cleared up...there's no more big reason why I should reject them.

Company 2

1. no certainties whether i'm going to get the job or not.

2. i have to admit the salary is pretty low for research jobs in singapore in this year (with the high rise in everything).

3. i will continue my research experience in organic electronics. meaning, i'm stuck on that path and probably will consider taking phd in the field of organic synthesis.

4. more health risks related to the chemicals used.

5. more OT? maybe?

6. the only advantage: organic synthesis is one of my current research interest.

and i'm so on the side of company 1 again by now...phew.

Currently feeling: confused

there is this feeling of unease when dealing with continuous wealth and other goodies. I'm very afraid, really afraid that I may become lupa daratan like Changhui...I dunno why, but the salary in Singapore is getting too high lately. It's scary. I'm more scared of this upcoming wealth compared to mouth ulcer...truthfully, many people have changed because of money, and I don't want to become one. God, please help me...

which one is tougher, the temptation of the whole world becoming yours, or the trial of suffering and grievance near to death? you judge for yourself. 

bayangin yah, kalo uda dpt gaji 20 juta an di sg untuk ukuran fresh grad, siapa yang masih mau balik indo dengan gaji 5-10 juta an? Ini adalah tantangan yang sangat berat sih. Masalahnya biaya hidup di sg juga nggak sampe 2x biaya hidup di Indo. benar-benar menakutkan.

Currently feeling: frightened

> 1. Put your iPod, playlist, mp3 etc.
> on shuffle songs
> 2. For each question, press the next
> button to get your answer.
> 3. You must write that song name down
> no matter how silly it sounds.
>
> 1. IF SOMEONE SAYS 'YOU'RE HOT' YOU
> SAY?
> + qin ai de, na bu shi ai qing by angela zhang, huahaha yah emang bu shi ai qing =D
>
> 2. HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE YOUR LIFE?
> + meil nan... (everyday I...) - ost hello! miss
>
> 3. HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
> + S.H.E - wu yue tian, belum mei nak, sabar2...

>
> 4. WHAT IS YOUR LIFE LONG GOAL?
> + gwen stefani - wind it up...creepy.
>
> 5. WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
> + Se7en's love - Se7en *shrugs*

> 6. WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
> + kiroro - fuyu no uta (winter song ya?)
>
> 7. WHAT DO YOU OFTEN THINK ABOUT?
> + saranghagoittneyo -  ost ???
> 8. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON
WHO LIKES YOU?
> + don't you forget about me by enrique iglesias

> 9. WHAT DOES YOUR BEST FRIEND ALWAYS
> SAY TO YOU?
> + let's get it on by 5ive, creepy man if my best friend's like this.

>
> 10. WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU
> GROW UP?
> + super bike by yellow tail
>
> 11. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SAYING?
> + oddohke uri ga? (how about us?) by twosome, lucu juga
>
> 12. WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR
> WEDDING?
> + the black cat - turbo, if like that it's going to be the kewlest wedding ever, even got korean techno song, oldies lagi.
>
> 13. WHAT WILL BE PLAYED AT YOUR
> FUNERAL?
> + bang bang bang - thetheband =P ketembak ya matinya...
>
> 14. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST FEAR?
> + back here - bbmak *shrugs*
> 15. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
> + because of love - seeya
>
> 16. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR HOUSE?
> + joha joha (good good) - vanilla unity >
> 17. WHAT WILL YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE
> YOUR FIRST BORN?
> + I Do - Bi, i do love you?
>
> 18. WHAT WERE THE FIRST WORDS YOU
> SPOKE?
> + empty space - bi zzz deh
>
> 19. WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT WHEN
> YOU'RE SAD?
> + happy happy my love you're my star - ost fantasy couple (LoL)
>
> 20. WHAT WILL YOU NAME THIS BULLETIN?
> + Miracle (orchestra vers) - OST Dalja's spring

Currently feeling: sleepy

1. have finally realized that the fashion trend is always repeating after a decade, and then you get bored.

2. want more stability in life. you feel like settling down in a town/city in a country until the day you die. (no, doesn't mean i will stay forever in sg, that's an "andwe" )

3. think that you cannot connect with freshmen as their fellow anymore...not at the same level.

4. think that similar family background is important in a relationship, to prevent misunderstanding of each other's behaviors.

5. think that you'd better eat healthy from here onward to prevent cholesterol, high blood pressure, and osteoporosis.

6. waste money on collagen and really think that it works.

7. think that people at school are getting bored with you, cos you've been there the longest among all of them.

i'm going to list to-do-stuffs during the holidays soon, so I can look fwd to what's coming up after exams =D yay....my LAST long holiday...

gawat...udah gak mood banget >.< I want to make a poster for ken lee's module...oops i mean sam li's...since he's so nice to me during the judging time =P sekalian mengasah skill ber-PS. analytical chemistry....identic dengan poster?

can i start studying on monday only?

"She bound the scarlet line in the window." - Joshua 2:21

Rahab depended for her preservation upon the promise of the spies, whom she looked upon as the representatives of the God of Israel. Her faith was simple and firm, but it was very obedient. To tie the scarlet line in the window was a very trivial act in itself, but she dared not run the risk of omitting it. Come, my soul, is there not here a lesson for thee? Hast thou been attentive to all thy Lord’s will, even though some of his commands should seem non-essential? Hast thou observed in his own way the two ordinances of believers’ baptism and the Lord’s Supper? These neglected, argue much unloving disobedience in thy heart. Be henceforth in all things blameless, even to the tying of a thread, if that be matter of command.

This act of Rahab sets forth a yet more solemn lesson. Have I implicitly trusted in the precious blood of Jesus? Have I tied the scarlet cord, as with a Gordian knot in my window, so that my trust can never be removed? Or can I look out towards the Dead Sea of my sins, or the Jerusalem of my hopes, without seeing the blood, and seeing all things in connection with its blessed power? The passer-by can see a cord of so conspicuous a colour, if it hangs from the window: it will be well for me if my life makes the efficacy of the atonement conspicuous to all onlookers. What is there to be ashamed of? Let men or devils gaze if they will, the blood is my boast and my song. My soul, there is One who will see that scarlet line, even when from weakness of faith thou canst not see it thyself; Jehovah, the Avenger, will see it and pass over thee. Jericho’s walls fell flat: Rahab’s house was on the wall, and yet it stood unmoved; my nature is built into the wall of humanity, and yet when destruction smites the race, I shall be secure. My soul, tie the scarlet thread in the window afresh, and rest in peace.

Morning, 18 April by Spurgeon 

have just realized that studying after 10 pm doesn't work for me. sorry but i really gotta sleep.

btw, never assume that i'm going steady with some guy before i say anything about it. if something is not in God's souvereign will, it will not happen.

1 Corinthians 6:12-13

 12^(T)All things are lawful for me, but not all things are profitable. All things are lawful for me, but I will not be mastered by anything.

 13^(U)Food is for the stomach and the stomach is for food, but God will ^(V)do away with both of them Yet the body is not for immorality, but ^(W)for the Lord, and ^(X)the Lord is for the body.

1 Corinthians 9:19-27

 19For though I am ^(AK)free from all men, I have made myself ^(AL)a slave to all, so that I may ^(AM)win more.

 20^(AN)To the Jews I became as a Jew, so that I might win Jews; to those who are under the Law, as under the Law though ^(AO)not being myself under the Law, so that I might win those who are under the Law;

 21to those who are ^(AP)without law, ^(AQ)as without law, though not being without the law of God but ^(AR)under the law of Christ, so that I might win those who are without law.

 22To the ^(AS)weak I became weak, that I might win the weak; I have become ^(AT)all things to all men, ^(AU)so that I may by all means save some.

 23I do all things for the sake of the gospel, so that I may become a fellow partaker of it.

 24^(AV)Do you not know that those who run in a race all run, but only one receives ^(AW)the prize? ^(AX)Run in such a way that you may win.

 25Everyone who ^(AY)competes in the games exercises self-control in all things They then do it to receive a perishable ^(AZ)wreath, but we an imperishable.

 26Therefore I ^(BA)run in such a way, as not without aim; I box in such a way, as not ^(BB)beating the air;

 27but I discipline ^(BC)my body and make it my slave, so that, after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified.

1 Corinthians 10:12-13

 12Therefore let him who ^(V)thinks he stands take heed that he does not fall.

 13No temptation has overtaken you but such as is common to man; and ^(W)God is faithful, who will not allow you to be ^(X)tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will provide the way of escape also, so that you will be able to endure it.

23-26

 23^(AL)All things are lawful, but not all things are profitable All things are lawful, but not all things ^(AM)edify.

 24Let no one ^(AN)seek his own good, but that of his neighbor.

 25^(AO)Eat anything that is sold in the meat market without asking questions for conscience' sake;

 26^(AP)FOR THE EARTH IS THE LORD'S, AND ALL IT CONTAINS.

31

 31Whether, then, you eat or drink or ^(AW)whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.

sampe disini dulu deh...

 from ep 22

Enok: “But if… if I try to hold back and it doesn’t work… then, can I go to you?”
Gil Dong: “No. Keep holding back.”
Enok: “Dummy.”
Gil Dong: “If you come to me, I won’t be able to send you back. So until you feel like you’ll die from holding back, you can’t come to me. If you can stand it, like now… As long as you can stand it, you can’t do that.”

with the song "If" playing in the background, which have matching meaning with what Enok's saying.

The Hong sisters are still unbeatable in the kdrama world I guess, all my fave series were written by them.

1. kdrama (okay honestly, after not watching kdramas for 2 days, i'd go so crazy easily, so for now I'll take the 1 ep per day dose), especially harder in the midst of webcast marathon. i still remember those days when I didn't know about mysoju.com, and neither did I download raws and insert subs by myself...those days were tough I must admit. my bad mood can overwhelm me anytime. the jokes in kdrama really get me, and I also get them.

2. you go and fill in the blank with whatever you like

I wish I cannot do without prayer and God's Word instead...*sigh* Roh memang penurut tetapi daging lemah.

can I live without my laptop? no, definitely no...unless I got a new profession, that doesn't have anything to do with the internet or doc files or pdf or ppt. a park ranger maybe will do.

Currently feeling: bored

Psalm 91:5

“Thou shalt not be afraid for the terror by night.” 

What is this terror? It may be the cry of fire, or the noise of thieves, or fancied appearances, or the shriek of sudden sickness or death. We live in the world of death and sorrow, we may therefore look for ills as well in the night-watches as beneath the glare of the broiling sun. Nor should this alarm us, for be the terror what it may, the promise is that the believer shall not be afraid. Why should he? Let us put it more closely, why should we? God our Father is here, and will be here all through the lonely hours; he is an almighty Watcher, a sleepless Guardian, a faithful Friend. Nothing can happen without his direction, for even hell itself is under his control. Darkness is not dark to him. He has promised to be a wall of fire around his people—and who can break through such a barrier? Worldlings may well be afraid, for they have an angry God above them, a guilty conscience within them, and a yawning hell beneath them; but we who rest in Jesus are saved from all these through rich mercy. If we give way to foolish fear we shall dishonour our profession, and lead others to doubt the reality of godliness. We ought to be afraid of being afraid, lest we should vex the Holy Spirit by foolish distrust. Down, then, ye dismal forebodings and groundless apprehensions, God has not forgotten to be gracious, nor shut up his tender mercies; it may be night in the soul, but there need be no terror, for the God of love changes not. Children of light may walk in darkness, but they are not therefore cast away, nay, they are now enabled to prove their adoption by trusting in their heavenly Father as hypocrites cannot do.

Don't you know that jazzy music is such a good companion to a lazy afternoon? and of course they rhyme too. This song is the song that best describes the relation between Son Young-in and her dead father's ghost in Seunghyo's body. Pardon the bad Konglish...

http://www.zshare.net/audio/1029132114355aa6/

Who are you? - Winterplay (OST Who are you?)

Such lies, you've told to me
But I'm willing to let it go

Could be, you've tried, before
Say what you felt, in your heart

One to many lies, I've heard, being with you
I don't know, what to think

I still care for you, in a way, tender way
Who are you? My love?

Don't be grey, in your words
Choices are black and white
Tell me please, Who are you?
Let me see, Who are you?

Show me you care for me
Don't be hidin from me
Tell me please, Who are you?
Don't you know I love you?

Don't be livin two lives
No need to change for me
Tell me please, Who are you?
Let me see, Who are you?

Speak the truth, from your heart
Honesty works like charm
Tell me please, Who are you?
Don't you know I love you?

Da la dat da la la
Da la dat da la la

Tell me please, Who you are?
Let me see, Who are you?

Da la dat da la la
Da la dat da la la

Tell me please, Who you are?
Let me see, Who are you?
Don't you know I love you

Currently feeling: melancholy

I was in such a helpless state today, I also dunno why. I think my greatest enemy is myself...if not the devil. But I really cannot defeat sin by my own power...I'm helpless, really...no one can do so. I hope God will always remind me to go to him in times when I think I can depend on myself. When my boast and pride start to consume myself alive.

Thank God for the whole passage of Romans 8, this evening...and especially:

 18For I consider that the sufferings of this present time^(AG) are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us. 19For the creation waits with eager longing for^(AH) the revealing of the sons of God. 20For the creation^(AI) was subjected to futility, not willingly, but^(AJ) because of him who subjected it, in hope 21that^(AK) the creation itself will be set free from its bondage to corruption and obtain the freedom of the glory of the children of God. 22For we know that^(AL) the whole creation^(AM) has been groaning together in the pains of childbirth until now. 23And not only the creation, but we ourselves, who have^(AN) the firstfruits of the Spirit,^(AO) groan inwardly as^(AP) we wait eagerly for adoption as sons,^(AQ) the redemption of our bodies. 24For^(AR) in this hope we were saved. Now^(AS) hope that is seen is not hope. For who hopes for what he sees? 25But if we hope for what we do not see, we^(AT) wait for it with patience.

 37No, in all these things we are more than^(BR) conquerors through^(BS) him who loved us. 38For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, 39nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Currently feeling: thankful

but I do remember that scene very perfectly as if it's already patterned into the visual part of my brain. yeah, I really do. and it's not even about kdrama.

Currently feeling: amazed

di sela2 kesibukan mugging di YIH canteen, akhirnya nulis post ini...dalam keadaan ngantuk...udah gak niat banget...holiday mood is kicking in. so here's my to-do-list after exams are over, summer to-do-list:

1. to do hair (I miss "Nanhee's" hair)

2. to finish up Who are You?

3. to read books (I plan to read at least 3)

4. to meet up DJAYA, Christie, Puguh, Frendy they all

5. to go travelling and catching tigers in China with my mom...no the catching tigers part was just kidding.

6. to watch Chronicles of Narnia 2 after May 29th

7. I have finally figured out how to change the banner of my tabulas template in aphrodite after sooooo long, will change it to a "kdrama" themed one when I have time =D size: 765 x 125 the other layouts suck and I am still not sure how to change the whole template (i.e. the ID of the stuffs on tabulas)...so for now, I'll change the banner.

8. I will add up more when they come to mind.

smtms (ala mortal banget), I've just realized that I'm: rebellious (gak suka sama kayak org lain kecuali temen dkt sendiri), have my own principle yang gak boleh dilanggar sm sekali, fickle (bisa berubah2 pendpt, horrible isn't it? i know, but people do have to change for the better, or fix their wrong), gak konsen belajar sendirian, have a relatively high sense of empathy (uda ada berapa temen/anggota keluarga yang I also cried when they cried, people who are especially dear to me, not that many in the world).  

Currently feeling: blah

before I check out from NUS, here they are: 

1. do not isolate yourself when you're in year 1 and 2. it's the right time to get to know as many people as possible, and make some really good friends, a few would be okay too..

2. do not get yourself into a relationship in year 1. trust me. reason #1 you're going to isolate yourself from the rest of the world. esp. if suddenly your friends don't feel like bothering the two of you anymore. even when the two of you need them. it's not fine. once again, trust me. so, guys from year 3-4 shouldn't be looking for those poor naive freshies...please, spare their lives in NUS. reason #2, you're usually not in the rightest frame of mind in year 1, you do not know where you are going in life, you do not even have the slightest picture. so, please, avoid this one.

3. do not take too many modules + CCA + other commitments only God knows...know your capacity...pretty please, unless you want to go through it all as if through the fire. or...let's say if you can, make your commitments less complicated when you think you cannot handle all of them anymore. that'd be better.

4. do not waste 24 hrs doing nothing useful in NUS, you're going to regret it in the next 7 days. (esp. in year 2-3, those insane years)

5. do not be lazy in year 1-3, the best times to improve your grades, and to understand important basic foundations in your major as well. in year 4, it'll be very difficult to improve your grades. just to let you know.

6. do not take too many modules in year 4, esp. if you know you're going to love your FYP so much you're going to keep on skipping lectures + tutorials. it'd damage your grades too. and lessen your understanding on those modules you're taking.

7. plan early. when you're in year 1, plan for year 2 (esp. if you would like urops or exchange). year 2 should plan for year 3 (plan carefully for IAs), year 3...plan for your FYP, find your genuine interest in a specific field in your major, or something you'd like to try researching on. year 4, in december start doing your CV and send to companies (don't have to include cover letter if they don't tell you specifically to do so) from Jan-Apr. Feb if you're lazy. Those are the times companies are hunting for fresh grads to join them. Make use of career fair, biobiz, networking nite, recruitment talk, etc to learn more about the companies you're interested to work for. planning is important so that you won't regret your recklessness later on. live without regrets.

8. administrative matters are important in nus. do take notes of those and keep where you can look at them often.

9. for those who stay in PGP, do not take the nearness to school for granted (which means you take very little amount of walk everyday) and eat as much as possible. you'll be in the route to obesity. at least get enough exercise to stay fit and healthy.

10. last but most important, of course prayers and God's Word are essential.

anyone would like to add something?

someone said to me last time that it'd be better to be with a guy/girl you've known since university days. because those guys/girls whom you know outside, they can be trusted less. you can never really know how their daily lives are like. don't be cheated by them and then get stuck in a vague dishonest relationship/marriage. be careful. but this is just a suggestion from a girl I know.

Currently feeling: okay

the tour package price to china is 5 million rupiahs more exp than the tours to korea and taiwan. I don't feel like going china anymore, can leave it to Gil Dong to go there himself...should I go taiwan or korea? honestly, after seeing so many pictures of the tourist objects and of course due to my bias toward korean culture...and korean language...rather than chinese...i'd rather go korea huhuhu so nice lei...the videos on the places in taiwan reminded me of tretes, a getaway place near surabaya :s like this how can I still concentrate on my gek exam, how, how???

Gyeongbuk palace

Seoul Grand Park

Mount Sorak

Winter Sonata shooting place, Nami Island

I really like the colorfulness of Korea, the colors in Taiwan look quite dull to me...I dunno.

Currently feeling: distracted

in memories of yesterday's red sun, here it goes: 

What about sunrise
What about rain
What about all the things
That you said we were to gain.. .
What about killing fields
Is there a time
What about all the things
That you said was yours and mine...
Did you ever stop to notice
All the blood we've shed before
Did you ever stop to notice
The crying Earth the weeping shores?

Aaaaaaaaaah Aaaaaaaaaah

What have we done to the world
Look what we've done
What about all the peace
That you pledge your only son...
What about flowering fields
Is there a time
What about all the dreams
That you said was yours and mine...
Did you ever stop to notice
All the children dead from war
Did you ever stop to notice
The crying Earth the weeping shores

Aaaaaaaaaaah Aaaaaaaaaaah

I used to dream
I used to glance beyond the stars
Now I don't know where we are
Although I know we've drifted far

Aaaaaaaaaaah Aaaaaaaaaaaah
Aaaaaaaaaaah Aaaaaaaaaaaah

Hey, what about yesterday
(What about us)
What about the seas
(What about us)
The heavens are falling down
(What about us)
I can't even breathe
(What about us)
What about the bleeding Earth
(What about us)
Can't we feel its wounds
(What about us)
What about nature's worth
(ooo,ooo)
It's our planet's womb
(What about us)
What about animals
(What about it)
We've turned kingdoms to dust
(What about us)
What about elephants
(What about us)
Have we lost their trust
(What about us)
What about crying whales
(What about us)
We're ravaging the seas
(What about us)
What about forest trails
(ooo, ooo)
Burnt despite our pleas
(What about us)
What about the holy land
(What about it)
Torn apart by creed
(What about us)
What about the common man
(What about us)
Can't we set him free
(What about us)
What about children dying
(What about us)
Can't you hear them cry
(What about us)
Where did we go wrong
(ooo, ooo)
Someone tell me why
(What about us)
What about babies
(What about it)
What about the days
(What about us)
What about all their joy
(What about us)
What about the man
(What about us)
What about the crying man
(What about us)
What about Abraham
(What was us)
What about death again
(ooo, ooo)
Do we give a damn

kenapa tiba2 ada Abraham? apa hubungannya =p ?

Currently feeling: concerned