I wanted to sleep like that...but when I think about it again, it's too embarrassing.

Currently feeling: narcoleptic

I suddenly have no confidence in this...I am not sure if this is the right thing. God, help me...who is this person really?

would you be rather scared if some guys just suddenly go into waving+smiling+calling your name mode, became excited because they're going to ride the same bus home with you, starred at you for 10 seconds (even when you don't feel like looking back at him anymore) and told you you look like a Korean?

Currently feeling: still dull

隱形的雪

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CT-3-hLGx-I

愛能不能不變

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r5MUp91nIxg

my 2 fave songs by them... plus one more I found along the way:

Vivian Hsu - 亲爱的

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4HX6Gcx-Zjw

isn't common grace like borrowed heaven? a piece of heaven borrowed onto earth.

1. I have turned into a geek who look down upon other nus-ers who have social life, people who can hang out with their nus friends often. I don't even care if other people would look down on geeks like me, it's their loss, definitely not mine.

2. I have learnt too well to swallow my own pride, distress, and whatever concerns that I have. To transform big problems into 0 in my mind...was that self-deception? Or simply pragmatism? How am I supposed to know?

3. My life has been strange and abnormal ever since I entered NUS, I know it well. Both a strange life and a believer's life, somehow synchronized together like both beautiful and sad rainy days.

4. I am 100% positive that I do not enjoy this individualism and the state of being alone, that's for sure. But what I can do with it anyway? If I had to choose, of course I'd choose to have a loyal group of friends like Hwal Bin Dang to fight side-along-side with me, rather than to fight alone or to use people to my aid like Chang Whe. If only I had the choice. Oh yes, I know it well too that I'm talking to myself over here =P

Currently listening to: Tim - talking to myself

akhirnya dipanggil interview. oleh perusahaan yang kayak last priority gitu, abisnya di woodlands sih. chartered semiconductor. perusahaan gede, employeenya 5000 (lumayan kan ya?) di seluruh dunia. tersebar di asia, eropa, dan amerika. hari sabtu, tanggal 15 maret, jam 11.30. semiconductor manufacturer. i don't know what i'm going to do there. well i have a picture in mind, it's there in some of the lectures i have attended in nus, but i've never ever got any hands on experience on it. the person seemed to be interested when reading my resume back then during career fair, though i really have no idea why and it's just a bit longer than 2 pages. i don't know how this is going to turn out, but i guess i'll go. marsiling, 9 stations from here then i have to ride the company bus from there. ckckck. pat, give me back my goodie bag from career fair.

2 tutorials got canceled without clear reasons this week. is nus really a good university? kok berasa kayak di indo kuliah bisa dicancel seenaknya. benar-benar berasa pengangguran tak kentara.

Currently feeling: curious

His grace is sufficient for me.

I have always been talking about the past, I always miss the past, I'm awed and fascinated by the past and I seldom dare to look at the future all these while. Many hopes were crushed along the way, too many dissapointments occured. I dare not think too much about the future. I dare not think I'm going to be married someday, I'm going to be a PhD holder one day, I'm going to be a rich woman someday, lead a KTB one day, go somewhere as a missionary someday, enter a theological seminary, or, or...have grandchildren or whatever. Cos the future is unknown, really. But one thing I know for sure and hold onto until the day I die is that I have faith in Him. He will never leave me. Once again, His grace is sufficient for me. for you. for all of us His children.

ini keren banget =D

http://pilgrimcovenant.com/publication/main_articles/2007/wklyArt_071230.htm

the fact that human being can never see how his/her face truly looks like aside from looking at reflections and pictures or other ppl's depiction of themselves is kind of hinting that life requires faith. scientific works require plenty of faith too.

http://www.spiderwickchronicles.com

premier date: 13 March 2008

been waiting long for this movie, I hope to watch it next next week if I'm not busy. anyone would like to join?

why do I always like the fantasy genre eventhough I'm not a kid anymore...this also explains why I still watch nickelodeon sometimes...

Currently feeling: fascinated

1. The devil hates prayer very much. Obviously, if the devil hates it, then it must be something that is pleasing to God, thus we must fervently pray with continuous deep longing for the Lord.

2. From all the couples that I know, many guys chose girls who are more similar to them than those who are obviously different from them. Maybe opposites attract does not apply anymore in this era, where each person seeks for another who understands them best. Otherwise, it'd be difficult to communicate smoothly as well. Oh well...

The pre-graduation syndrome tends to bring out the worst in me, I'm sorry for my emotional upheavals these days. I almost got people telling me I lose my sanity, but I don't think it's the case. My personality changes everyday too I know, but I've always been like that, just not as dramatic as now, perhaps. I also always miss my tutorial every Thursday at 8.00, I gotta take the next slot on Friday...I always woke up at 6.30 on that day, then do my things slowly until I realized I've been having breakfast for too long and it's already 7.34 or something *sigh*

I hate to break it to you, but there's this 2nd sad part of the kdrama currently going on...it's so bad, I don't even know anymore if Gildong will still be together with Yinok in the end. Eventhough I always pity Changhui for his onesided love, doesn't mean that I approve a happy ending of him with Yinok. Yinok as queen and Changhui as king, is rlly not what I want =o I want the usual Hong sisters ending, pretty please...

After all, would one still want to be with a guy whose father killed off all her family members?

http://www.esnips.com/doc/0c8d8939-30c8-4db0-a67b-2bbcdb66b2e7/Hong-Gil-Dong-OST---Taeyeon---If

Currently feeling: shocked

A good leader must be selfless enough to fight for his purpose. A good leader must not be double-minded. A good leader must be willing to sacrifice for his people.

They're some points that I learned from HGD.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZtCUSip9HXc 

[Rihanna:]
As much as I love you
As much as I need you
And I cant stand you
Must everything you do make me wanna smile
Can I not like you for awhile? (No....)

[Ne-Yo:]
You wont let me
You upset me girl
And then you kiss my lips
All of a sudden I forgive (that I was upset)
Can't remember what you did

[Rihanna:]
But I hate...
You know exactly what to do
So that I cant stay mad at you
For too long thats wrong

[Ne-Yo:]
But I hate...
You know exactly how to touch
So that I dont want to fuss.. and fight no more
Said I despise that i adore you

[Rihanna:]
And i hate how much i love you boy (yeah...)
I cant stand how much I need you (I need you...)
And I hate how much I love you boy (oooh whoa..)
But I just cant let you go
And I hate that I love you so (oooh..)

[Ne-Yo:]
You completely know the power that you have
The only one makes me laugh

[Rihanna:]
Said its not fair
How you take advantage of the fact
That I..will be under reason why
And it just aint right

[Ne-Yo:]
And I hate how much I love you girl
I cant stand how much I need you (yeah..)
And I hate how much I love you girl
But I just cant let you go
But I hate that I love you so

[Both:]
One of these days maybe your magic wont affect me
And your kiss wont make me weak
But no one in this world knows me the way you know me
So you'll probably always have a spell on me...

[Ne-Yo:]
Yeaahhh... Oohh...

[Rihanna:]
As much i love you (as much as I need you)
As much as I need you (oooh..)
As much I love you (oh..)
As much as I need you

[Rihanna:]
And I hate that i love you soooo
And I hate how much i love you boy
I cant stand how much I need ya (cant stand how much I need you)
And I hate how much I love you boy
But I just cant let you go (but I just cant let you go no..)
And I hate that I love you so

And I hate that I love you so.. soo.....

P.S. I had so much in thoughts that I wanted to write on the blog, but when I heard this song on Youtube today, suddenly I wanted to write it here, I love both Rihanna and Ne-Yo. I love this song too. I hate that I love "Hate that I love you" =D Okay, okay, I gotta type my report now.

Currently feeling: complicated

1. I hate being just used, to the core, just used, not regarded as a friend at all. Despite the fact that I'm useful, and so is everybody else =)

2. I have so few really trusted friends. And I want to treasure 'em all until I'm old.

3. This is what all women want: just to be regarded the same level of honour as men...because God, created humans in His likeness, male and female He created them. As much as I want to post a feminist post on this, I also would hate myself for that.

4. I have thought of a career objective...to be a blessing should be a priority higher than to earn profit to be an even better blessing.

5. I'm glad I've moved pass the age when I have to crack up jokes too often just to please my friends. I know my real friends won't leave me eventhough I can be really quiet sometimes.

daisy itu dekat dengan mereka yang patah hatinya. i will not play messiah anymore though.

moga-moga this is going the right direction. keep it up. 짜요...

In God we trust...

can you see how random this post is?

Currently feeling: mad

from: http://anutshellreview.blogspot.com/

Koizora/Sky of Love

You can trust the Japanese romance stories to stick to almost the same formula each time, and yet still being able to draw the masses to their theatres for dishing out more of the same material. There'll be the melodramatic, over the top sob moments, together with love filled with various forms of tension ranging from competition to the usual blowing of hot and cold, my my, the list just goes on.

Soaring to #1 in the Japanese box office, Sky of Love is actually based on a cell phone novel, and given the proliferation of phones in Japan, there's a ready made audience from this fan base that would flock to the cinemas upon the movie's release of course. It's a high school romance story about a girl, Mika (Yui Aragaki) and her love with punkster Hiro (Haruma Miura), and what a story it is, with teenage sex, rape, pregnancy, and even a miscarriage! And I do confess that I did raise an eyebrow when these incidents come one after another, given that after all, aren't they (the characters) supposed to be underaged to begin with? Not being a prude here and having double standards (like in Juno's case), Sky of Love did load up the pity factor for the audience to feel sorry for the leads. Juno doesn't.

And what's a Japanese contemporary romance story without some form of disease come into play? That probably took the cake and anyone watching the movie could see it coming from a mile away, but we the audience still continue to lap it all up, together with those whispering of sweet nothings, promises to be around forever, etc, and little actions to tug at the heartstrings of loved ones (and the audience's as well). It felt highly manufactured, as if going through an assembly line to incorporate the usual elements when the time came for it, and the usage of cute, symbolic artifacts to represent tokens of love at various stages.

You cannot deny then the wonderful cinematography and whimsical music to put you in the right mood for love, though its 120 minute runtime seemed a tad too long in trying to probably incorporate every major plot development in the novel, what with the introduction of potential love rivals. Yui Aragaki and Haruma Miura with his dyed-white hair seem quite mature to be playing your high school sweethearts, but there's a certain saccharine sweet chemistry between them that would make them your instantly identifiable, and likable characters.

Like I mentioned, there are plenty to frown upon, perhaps even laugh at during the first 20 minutes or so, because of the implausibility of having the most wretched of events befall Mika, and before you begin to wonder why the adults (families on both ends) refuse to take proper action, and the total absence of authority figures to allow the children to take matters into their own hands. Then again, this is a romance movie, not a cop drama, so some suspension of belief is required. Strictly for those who require their regular dose of the usual J-romance chick flicks.

my comment: seems quite eww...overthetop highschool romance, with the usual japanese teenage adultery scenes...really eww... 

The Leap Years 

The Leap Years, aka Leap of Love, was a long process in the making. Having tracked this movie for a number of years now, it is going to make its debut this year premiering exactly on Feb 29 no less. While there were the usual production woes, I thought that this was one of those projects that remain in development hell, and given the overlong trailers being played in the cinemas - I didn't time it, but it was more than 3 minutes long - I thought it would be one of those that would sink immediately upon release, despite having international flavour with the casting of Joan Chen and Ananda Everingham. Well, the good news is the Singapore's first English language romance movie passes the litmus test.

Based on the novella by Catherine Lim, The Leap Years tells 2 stories in parallel, but both centered on Li-Ann and her friends through a period of 16 years (4 leap years in total), consisting almost every boy-finds-girl-loves-loses-etc plot point you can think of. And for the most parts, it was almost like a self-fulfilling prophecy of a fortune teller's advice to Li-Ann on her love being one like the wind, which delivered yet another set of cliches like Windows Cafe, mini toy windmills, and moments where long hair gets swept away like Bollywood movies.

Li-Ann actually had three actresses portraying her. The first is Beatrice Chia, who only provides the narration. The second, Wong Li-lin as Li-Ann in her 20s-30s, and Joan Chen playing the same character, now much older. Chen had only a bit role though, which probably didn't challenge her in the acting department, and the short story is about her trying to find some reconciliatory factors with her teenage daughter, and you realize that she probably missed the kind of close-knit mother-daughter relationship that she had when younger, and trying very hard to replicate.

Wong Li-lin anchors the entire movie with her heartfelt portrayal of Li-Ann. Forget about her dismal big screen debut in the horrid German movie Love Under the Sign of the Dragon, which had her almost sleepwalking through it like a zombie, and having her voice unceremoniously dubbed in German. This one showed what she can do, without succumbing to acting cute unnecessarily. Her Li-Ann has never dated and has been holding out for someone special, and chances upon Ananda's Jeremy at an al fresco cafe one day. So the usual games people play begins, with her putting some Irish 29th Feb tradition to the test, and he plays along, towards the goal of setting up a blind date.

Naturally not everything is as rosy as it seems, since the games ended after a magical outing together, with their pledge of meeting at the same place at the same time, every leap year on her birthday. Cliche lines get thrown about, like the frequently used one about better to have loved and lost than to never had loved at all, but the key theme here is about patience. If you deem him or her special, it's well worth the wait, isn't it? Only fools rush in, as they say. So do expect lines being spouted explicitly which might make you cringe a little, or implicitly suggests something that you'd probably already know of, from the wise old sayings of those who have been there and done that.

It's almost like a typical romantic chick flick with the whispers of sweet nothings, promises made, and the quintessential scenes of shopping and lots of clothes. The soundtrack is chock full of lovely ballads by Corrine May, and you'd probably would be enthralled by how familiar locations become quite the romantic backdrops in the movie. Familiar also applies to the supporting cast, with the likes of Nadya Hutagalong and Vernetta Lopez playing good friends, as does Qi Yu Wu as KS (Kiasi? Kiasu? Kana Sai? Anything but actually).

I thought KS was a source of inspiration for those out there still carrying torches for others. It was an easy anchor point for me to dive right into the movie, with the classical example of loving someone who obviously doesn't love you back, and there comes a point in time where you have to wake up and realize your futile efforts. The reality of it is harsh and cruel at that point in time, but to be able to find strength and pick yourself up, that's quite an achievement in itself.

The Leap Years borrows its strength from Catherine Lim's story, and goes to show that no doubt the cliches are abound, this is something of a Singapore movie to be proud of - with a mix of homegrown and international talent, and a story that's purely on love and romance, and not hybrids like romantic-comedies or romantic-tragedies. Love is in the air, and for gimmick's sake, I would recommend this to be watched on the 29th of Feb, and see if you buy into that Irish folklore. I would play along though... but now to have someone make that proposal.. ha!

my comment: since what I wanted was just a slightly more mature romance story...with the sappy bits of course, in the end we chose this one...will get back to you soon after we watch it. I'm watching it with Johni. btw, no gossips please...thank you =) 

Currently feeling: finallyigotoemoviesagain

it's all because of Johni la...I watched this kind of movie -_-'' not my type of movie (tetep mo nonton Spiderwick ah...it's my kind of movie), but I thought since it's been quite a while since I watched one of this kind, I'd give it a try. It's also because Johni said, "Ko Tjeli bilang bagus." padahal Tjeli sendiri belum nonton -_-'' tapi nggak nyesel sih nonton filmnya, ada bagian2 yang meski secliche2nya tetep gak bs ditemukan di film2 lain.

First impression: Mika-nya kok mirip aku yah hahaha but she's a very shy girl. Tau kan typical japanese girl yang diapa2in juga gak ngelawan -_-'' it really pissed me off when she got raped and didn't even try to kick the thugs' asses. It also pissed me off when she just got to know Hiro for a while and just went on, had sex with him, gave him her virginity. This is what I usually hate from Jap movies/dramas...ce2nya bodo2 kalo compared to ce2 di kdramas. Biasanya ce2 di kdrama gak gampangan sih, and they stood up for themselves most of the time.

Pertama2 aku suka Hiro, he's the type of guy who would FIGHT to defend his girl you see...so I was kinda touched when he defended Mika from Saki and the gang. But, I think somehow the more stable, sweet, selfless, reliable, and caring Yu really drew me more. It's also because I really dislike guys who take advantage of their girls...like Hiro of course, duh...I think if I were Mika, I'd have chosen Yu...if only I had never got pregnant of Hiro's child. I think this part plays a huge role...eventhough I've never been pregnant (amit2! *gaya Indra*), I think being pregnant would make you feel like you already have a new family with someone. But it's really hard to say...sometimes love is really blind...esp. when you're young...

ada satu bagian di mana hampir semua ce di bioskop started to cry heheh...sedih banget...but yah gitulah cliche plotnya, nangis pun masih bisa ditahan2 =P gak kayak hong gil dong ep 7 bagian akhir...itu gak bs ditahan beneran...apalagi kena lagunya Taeyeon...aku bilang soundtracknya "Sky of Love" sih gak ada apa2nya. Aku juga gak suka jmovies dimana aktor/aktrisnya suka stare into space dengan pandangan kosong gitu waktu kejadian mereka sedih atau shock...emosinya gak masuk banget deh...dlm pandangan matanya gak nampak emosi apapun juga. Padahal kayak gini nih penting banget dalam membuat penonton sedih lho...I should be a director one day heheh

Arief actually brought me the suggestion of making a short film this morning. I was thinking of a short 30 min clip on youtube. if it works, as in many people watch it and they can learn something from it, I suppose we can discuss about it again and longer the film. the hard part must be the videography, unless someone can fill in the position, the filming cannot start. I don't mind playing the role of the director, scriptwriter or actress...the film's concept should be something that portray the busyness of modern living, until one doesn't have time anymore for self-reflection. but it's very basic I know and it must still be developed into something more practical. here are the main positions that need to be filled: (if there's not enough people, then there will be no films.)

director

videographer

plot developer

scriptwriter

soundtrack developer

i suppose if it really works then we can go on and have a meeting as on how to make this dream a reality =) if there's no manpower once again...really, forget it...have to ask tjeli whether he's still interested in film-making.

Currently listening to: Kuraki Mai - Secret of My Heart

am i the only one who thinks pretty boys do not look complimentary with girls? i dunno, when i'm writing this, i really dislike guys like changwhe and the likes. selfish pretty boys...the 3 words explain all. a type that i'd never ever consider marrying.

Gil Dong is shocked to realize his father knows he’s innocent, but In Hyung clarifies: “Yeah, he knew and he still covered it up on my behalf. He said there was nothing that could be done for you. I’m his son! And you’re nothing.”

Enok and Su Geun overhear the conversation as In Hyung twists the knife further: “Father doesn’t care whether you’re guilty or not. He’s abandoned you.”

Numb, Gil Dong repeats, “I don’t matter… He abandoned me…” In Hyung shouts, “So stop acting senselessly and leave me alone. Get lost!” Having used up all his nerve, In Hyung runs away, scared.

Meanwhile, Enok, feeling Gil Dong’s pain, approaches. He sits huddled on the floor, trying to not care, mustering a sardonic laugh.

Enok tries to bring him out of his defeated bitterness, and holds out her hands in front of him:

“Don’t laugh — laughing makes it more painful. … I’ll make it so nobody can see. I won’t see, either. So Gil Dong, cry. It’s okay to cry.”

She cries, and so does he.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

(disclaimer: in the Joseon era, Koreans really did not know english at all...)

A drunk Enok asks Mal Nyeo if she knows what the (English) words “I love you” mean, and explains she heard a man say it once to a woman: “I think those must be really good words.”

Mal Nyeo: “Does it mean to like something?”
Enok: “It’s not just liking something. Look at this potato — it’s a really good thing. But it’s not an ‘I love you.’ That’s more than just a good thing — a much, much better thing. I think that’s what an ‘I love you’ is.
Mal Nyeo: “I think I understand.”
Enok: “But you see… I think I feel ‘I love you’ for Gil Dong.”

Mal Nyeo smiles knowingly, and mentions that Gil Dong’s leaving for China soon. Enok sighs; that’s the problem — “I even asked him not to go, but he’s still going.” Mal Nyeo tells her to go with him, and Enok wails, “But I can’t go with him unless he asks me to!” Mal Nyeo tells her she’ll regret it if she lets him go without talking about it, and encourages her to do so.

So, Enok goes to talk to Gil Dong, but in her embarrassment she has a hard time saying anything. Gil Dong gives her his sunglasses and tells her, “It’s less embarrassing when everything’s darker.”

She asks if he’s going hunting again, and he answers, “Yeah. Wanna come with me?” Enok immediately agrees, and Gil Dong asks, “Even if we have to catch two tigers?” Enok insists, “I still want to go with you.”

Awkwardly (but pleased!), Gil Dong answers, “Then, let’s catch tigers and go to China together… Come to China with me.” Happy, Enok agrees, but assures him he doesn’t need tigers; she’s already saved money for them to go. She trots off, then comes back to say, blushing and in English, “I… I love you.” He asks what that means, and she promises to tell him when they get to China.

1. been in a flu, the strange thing is that, my ears are blocked by air, not my nose...feeling rather heavy...i think this is the main source why I am angry. the weather has been so cold, often trembling in the bus. cold hands as usual. sometimes i do wonder if I'm really a cold blooded human.

2. my mind has been thinking of soundtracks all the time. i think i can make soundtracks of my own life lol

3. thank God for one more soul saved =)

4. thank God for polyTICA...that psycho polymer finally showed up herself.

5. thank God for everything =) In everything, give thanks! (tiru2 piyo)

what i thought i got from the talk was to reduce my time with believers (which I believe i've spent too much lately eventhough it's also good in some ways)...and then spend time with non-believers. this is in order to build good friendships with them. but when i tried so...i fell to the other extreme...compromising what i want to do into what they want me to do...spending too much on meaningless stuffs(or is it bcos i'm currently poor and they're rich? i oso dunno), have meaningless jokes, stupid games (we played poison number yesterday, and the one who got the no must have a taste of some "mixed concoction with a yucky texture" haha and i got one teaspoon...>.< which if you really ask me, i'd say that wasn't a great bonding anyway. so I dunno whether I should spend more time with these friends again or not...

the highlight of last night's event was meeting Mingxian's Korean friend, she's a nice person and I practiced a bit of Korean with her. Her name is Ho Soon. She's a Christian too...going for some church trip to Indonesia this weekend (mission maybe? it seems that all koreans i know r going indo...where are we indo chinese going to? china? north korea =P ?). I hope she can be a blessing for Mingxian since they seem to have a close sister-sister relationship kind of thing (yea he's a girly guy). She told me I have "Korean style of face and hair" haha =D and that she was surprised to know I learned Korean bcos I like the language, she told me it's not interesting at all =P She likes English and is learning English and Mandarin. I think my friend's friend who is an Indonesian and had PhD in Busan, Korea has a crush on her upon meeting her for the first time yesterday...He kept on babbling to her in a strange korean accent (Indo korean? I dunno, at least my accent was better than his.) and told his friend (Ivy) that she's pretty in front of all of us(and HS didn't notice cos her english isn't that good)...what a guy -_-''

sorry it's all messed up...i guess it's my blogging style...too lazy to write in orderly manner...this is not graded anyway...=$

Currently feeling: sad bcos of grandpa heo

I have a deep longing to be in Korea...maybe only Mingxian can understand this...when others' love for Korea start to fade, mine gets even stronger. I admire the christians over there too...I want to be like them. I wish I were one of them.

my scenario: daisy will finally get sick of singapore and everyone in sg. she then decides to go to south korea to pursue a phd degree. she can finally be a bit braver and be a more warmhearted person because of her friends over there.

usually most likely my scenario is not God's scenario though ~_~

Currently listening to: W (Where the story ends) - the cartoon artist's thoughtful cat

today i got really pissed by singnet...when it's sunday or saturday or whenever i don't really need inet connection to survive, usually i manage to take it cool already. However, I need to book an nmr slot for tuesday at 8.30 sharp today (cos the honours students are very kiasu, u only have 8.30-8.33 to get all the slots filled up). at around 8.00 the internet at home was going fine...until 8.20! suddenly the line was cut off and no matter how i tried to restart it, it won't go back. so that's how i missed the booking time for tuesday. i learned a few things from here:

1. when things go wrong for more than two weeks (long time la...), you have to clarify things up...i.e. call singtel! ask them whether there is something really wrong with the connection or is it your router that has a problem.

2. never trust something (esp. services company) that has dissapointed you so many times...you'll bound to get dissapointed again someday someway. opt for the other safer option. i.e. go to school and book a slot...no energy loss getting angry.

3. i need some anger management lessons from God, I asked for it and I got it today...thanks God! I hope to cultivate zen-ness by the end of the year. 

my Dad was the quietest and most mysterious person I've ever known. In fact, do I ever know my Dad? He never gets personal with me...maybe He knows me but I don't know him, the kind of emotions that he's been experiencing ever since we lived in the same house...I certainly do not know at all. I can only guess. His face has never showed any signs whatsoever. He never cries in front of me. He is also never angry with me.

my Mom was the angriest person in the whole wide world...I thought, when I was small...I really thank God that she's not like this anymore now.

my bro was and still is the most stubborn person I've ever met.

if living in this kind of family hasn't trained me to make my own strategies to survive and develop solid character...perhaps I was just an animal...not a human being.

I found the original source for Hong Gil Dong pics which is KBS website of course:

http://www.kbs.co.kr/drama/honggildong2008/media/photo/index.html

they got really beautiful pics of changwhe, gildong, and enok. rlly want to change my wordpress banner by now. my favourite sidekick would be Gom...I love his sidestory in the drama. it was quite touching. Followed by Hae myeong and grandpa Heo...

how to watch hong gil dong:

1. download VLC player, search from google

2. download hong gil dong raw videos from www.veoh.com through VeohTV (have to download it also), just search: Hong Gil Dong E01 (for example). The provider is maimaizz

3. download withS2 fansubs from:

http://www.d-addicts.com/forum/viewtopic_56754.htm

4. play with VLC player by opening file, insert subtitle and delay it -6 s in the advanced settings. You can find the folder in your PC that keeps your video files if you right click on it in your VeohTV library.

there you go, happy watching. I think people should watch hong gil dong during the holidays...such a great and inspiring series to watch.

Currently feeling: fine

that *** speaker...wasn't he the one who almost made me really wonder how heaven can happen on earth? he mixed up the kingdom of God and heaven...I hope it's not him...otherwise it'd be so annoying listening to such speaker :s

1. pray, pray, pray. really seek the Lord.

2. do not go for too much fellowship activities (also mean I will not attend the VCF event tommorow)

3. meditate on the past esp. from jan-mar.

4. get plenty of sleep so that you can think more clearly.

5. skip entertainment as much as possible, youtube, hong gil dong, etc.

I've noticed lately how i can't not have expression of what I'm doing/thinking in more than 5 s. I am an animated person that's it. I have all sorts of expressions when studying, webcasting, watching dramas, etc. I am terribly offended when people wonder how I can be that way and start worrying about me. If you're an expressionless person, just be it. If you're like me, then also be one. It's just a matter of personality.

i still remember how i felt that i died with Jesus on the last 2 years of Good Fridays. The almighty zombie eyes...back then there was no Bioessence superb silver eyegel, so they not only looked really ugly, but also felt really tired...yeah...i dunno if anyone still remember how i was during those days of PGP life. Of course it's because of lab reports...I still remember those days...freaking days of locking myself up in my room in PGP...dabao-ing and doing lab reports all night (cos all daytime belongs to lectures and long hours labs), no wonder i was fat and dressed shabbily. total self-denial for a vain girl like me. for those who are currently in the state i've just mentioned above. hang in there. no worries, you can always be slim again once you're in year 4. duh, ngomongnya kayak orang abis melahirkan :s

Currently feeling: sleepy

why, why me?! (I can only say it like Gil dong in ep 20)

I suddenly got rushed to submit a paper together with my mentor on this strange low band-gap polymer research. I definitely dunno why this is so important, I don't get the significance of my project...why he assigned me this project and so on...questions are running through my mind. My supervisor gave us deadline to finish all characterizations of the polymers by next week (up to date, I can say that I've finished all characterizations of the monomers except for CV). So, Balaji and me got 1H NMR, FTIR, solid state UV/Fluorescence measurements, Cyclic Voltammetry, Gel Permeation Chromatography (to submit samples), Thermogravimetric Analysis, and Differential Scanning Calorimetry left. Oh ya...still have that layering method to do...remind me to do tommorow. I've realized lately that deadlines always come by Good Friday...I also dunno why, but then again, I don't want to take Good Friday merely as a ritual day...else I'd be a Christian Pharisee...

Anyway, if I had a company, I'd hire plenty of people like myself, who enjoy dirty work and getting things done fast, in the right way, having so much endurance and sacrificial piety. I'd have a few leaders who are like my supervisor, who knows when to give pressure to the workers. but this is contradicting, since if I had such quality I wouldn't want to be the owner of a company...I'd want to serve a boss forever. let's see if this will change one day.

Enok: “I don’t know if it’s truly okay for a person like me to become queen.”
Chang Whe: “That is how this country’s king and queen are decided.”
Enok: “If I were to become queen, and my child turned out as dumb as me, would it really be okay for him to become king? Wouldn’t that create trouble for the country?”
Chang Whe: “You call yourself stupid, but you have the same answers and thoughts as he does.” (meaning Gildong I suppose)

Lol at the text with yellow background, great idea to reject a guy.

Charice Pempengco really has a great voice, "unbelievable" is one word that really suits her. after listening to her singing, I really can sleep well tonight.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HUXMvJtRjZk

then got corrupted by "ken lee". video of the year definitely. courtesy of johni.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_RgL2MKfWTo

Lee Seung Ki - White Lie

가버려 너란 사람 지겨워
go away im sick of you
제발 울지 말고 그냥 떠나가
stop crying and just leave

너를 사랑했단 말 모두 거짓말이야
when i said i loved you, it was a lie
지금 가랄 때 그냥 가
just leave when i say

난 네가 알던 좋은 사람이 아냐
im not that good person you thought i was
보잘것없는 한심한 그런 사람이야
im a sad pathetic kind of person

이제 너를 또 다시 울릴 수는 없잖아
now i cant make you cry anymore
나 때문에 제발 울지 좀 마
please dont cry because of me

정말 미안해요 나 같은 사람 사랑해서
im sorry you loved a person like me
많이 힘들었잖아 뭐 하나 잘해 준 거 없잖아
it was tough, i never did anything right

이게 나에요 사랑 하나 지키지도 못하고
this is me, i cant even protect our love
그댈 떠나보내요
i just let you go

차라리 실컷 욕이라도 해 제발
just yell and scream at me
지금껏 너를 고생만 시킨 남자니까
im a man who let you suffer all this time

너의 가족에게도 떳떳하게 보여줄
i hope you meet a man
멋진 사람 만나기를 바래
you can show proudly to your family

정말 미안해요 나 같은 사람 사랑해서
im sorry you loved a person like me
많이 힘들었잖아 나 때문에 많이 울었잖아
it was tough, you cried many tears because of me

이게 나에요 사랑 하나 지키지도 못하고
this is me, i cant even protect our love
그댈 떠나보내요
i just let you go

고마워요 이 못난 날 사랑해줘서
thank you for loving a man like me
그대 사랑하면서 제대로 살고 싶었으니까
i wanted to live a happy life just loving you

사랑했어요 부디 좋은 사람 만나 날 잊고
i loved you, i hope you meet a good man forget me
행복하게 살아줘
and live happily ever after

http://www.esnips.com/doc/54ae0c96-dc18-4798-bcd0-5beeb47c651b/Lee-Seung-Ki---White-Lie

I like the song after I watched the sad MV, which trilogy can be found on my wordpress blog. very sad...I need to be sad to get over ken lee. seriously.

When Christians are supposed to call Him "Abba, Father", I honestly am clueless. Do I have a father? I doubt so. My mother has been my father at the same time all these while, telling the kids what to do, what not to do, and so on. Whose fault is this? I don't want to blame it on anyone in my family. Sometimes I do have feeling that my birth father only calls me or emails me when he's struck by his obligation as my birth father, not out of sincerity. After all, there're too many things that he has to take care of in his life. This is very different from God the Father. Since my picture on "fathers" is pretty vague here, I can only regard God the Father as One who loves me unconditionally, teaches me lessons in life in order to develop Christ-like characters, the One I can put my hopes into, and One I can tell all my joys, fears and despairs to. So Father, have I really has regarded You as my Father indeed? 

http://geek-girl.imeem.com/music/i4wZO5Ie/lee_seung_gi_piano_ver/

Deiji ya...start the Bible reading cycle 2, starting with the New Testament pretty please...I'm forgetting things I think :s

since usually if we write our commitments publicly we're more likely to fulfill it, I'm writing it here. 

I am happy today because I finally re-started my continuous Bible reading again...erm, yea I really hope this will be continuous at least every another day...from now on, I'll continuously post verse(s) that have somehow strucked me in one way or two...this way, my sets of knowledge will be richer in God's Words. Anyway, eventhough it's like spamming...spamming God's Words into a blog is so much much much better than spamming using void emo sentences =P It'll be somehow a blessing too for those who read the blog (esp. Indonesians cos I prefer reading Indo Bible...although sometimes I do compare it with other versions in English), so I don't care I'm keeping it here =)

Efesus 5:3-4

3 Tetapi percabulan dan rupa-rupa kecemaran atau keserakahan disebut saja pun jangan di antara kamu, sebagaimana sepatutnya orang-orang kudus. 4 Demikian juga perkataan yang kotor, yang kosong atau yang sembrono - karena hal-hal ini tidak pantas - tetapi sebaliknya ucapkanlah syukur.

1 Korintus 1:31

Karena itu seperti ada tertulis (Yer 9:24): "Barangsiapa yang bermegah, hendaklah ia bermegah di dalam Tuhan."

i've just realized i actually typed "insomnia" for "amnesia" yesterday, even after typing so many sentences with the term, i didn't notice, how embarrassing, and the person who was talking with me didn't realize it also, so he/she is also embarrassing, this person should be laughing by now, for real...i'm really oh so particularly dead after 11 pm la...people probably shouldn't listen to my words anymore after 11 pm...there's a high risk of them being gibberish.

Currently feeling: happy

i'm...going crazy soon...should have never used FeCl3 polymerization, it is such a (fill in the blank with any word you want). i don't care anymore i just want to get outta the lab alive.

> 1. Put your iPod, playlist, mp3 etc.
> on shuffle songs
> 2. For each question, press the next
> button to get your answer.
> 3. You must write that song name down
> no matter how silly it sounds.
>
> 1. IF SOMEONE SAYS 'YOU'RE HOT' YOU
> SAY?
> + shy love by fly to the sky
>
> 2. HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE YOUR LIFE?
> + white love by kim jong kook, keren juga.
>
> 3. HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
> + Always by Big Bang, seperti biasanya...
>
> 4. WHAT IS YOUR LIFE LONG GOAL?
> + Kangen - Dewa 19, ini aneh polll
>
> 5. WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
> + Orange First Love by Younha...maybe I'm their first love and orange colored

> 6. WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
> + summer sunshine by the corrs, sip2
>
> 7. WHAT DO YOU OFTEN THINK ABOUT?
> + Luv Punch by instant romantic floor, i dunno what is this all about.
>
> 8. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON
WHO LIKES YOU?
> + Faith by Cheon Sang Ji Hee The Grace, keren...

> 9. WHAT DOES YOUR BEST FRIEND ALWAYS
> SAY TO YOU?
> + If by Taeyeon, temenku kok ngomong satu kata doang?

>
> 10. WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU
> GROW UP?
> + Love is by Turbo...
>
> 11. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SAYING?
> + Ni he wo by Wang Lee Hom
>
> 12. WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR
> WEDDING?
> + Comet by Younha, keren amat weddingnya...
>
> 13. WHAT WILL BE PLAYED AT YOUR
> FUNERAL?
> + Lies by Big Bang, soalnya bakal bangkit lagi suatu saat nanti.
>
> 14. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST FEAR?
> + this fool by wonder girls>
> 15. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
> + complete by so nyuh shi dae
>
> 16. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR HOUSE?
> + airplane by rollercoaster

>
> 17. WHAT WILL YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE
> YOUR FIRST BORN?
> + I can tell by BBMak, I really don't know what is this talking about.
>
> 18. WHAT WERE THE FIRST WORDS YOU
> SPOKE?
> + Baby love by Humming urban stereo, mungkin mau ngmg i love you sm ortu tp ga bs.
>
> 19. WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT WHEN
> YOU'RE SAD?
> + sea of love by Fly to the sky, think of God's love for me?
>
> 20. WHAT WILL YOU NAME THIS BULLETIN?
> + fan by Epik high

Currently feeling: crushed

did i get ditched or does it mean i got accepted? they kept on asking when I can start working. all i know is that they want me to start early. they're desperate for people to fill up this position (in fact I dun even know how many people are going to work with this position). i was also desperate in a way i told them if you recruit me first i'll definitely join your company. so daisy, a first come first served type of person? i'm disappointed of myself, but i hate im** too, i don't want to join that institute anymore. so in fact between ET and IM**, I'd choose ET. i know they also tested my genuine interest (on research or on managerial stuffs, but who basically will be very passionate about doing routine work? are there any? please la...and yea i also have heard from the person in charge himself that this job is going to be routine work) and independentness. dr llc and mr y said that I can start working as an intern first, then after I got my transcript I can join in as a permanent staff. they said themselves that my skills matched the requirements. but then i also never asked about the salary...and in the end they let me go without signing any documents...is this actually a good sign or not? the result? they'll contact me again sometime soon to tell when I can start working, but they need to discuss internally first because the lab where I'm going to work in is under renovation somewhere in IBN. then, all depends on my availability. Is this good news? Why do I sense some uncertainty here? Is it just me? Is Dr EC actually keen on recruiting me or was it just LLC and Mr Y? I cannot say anything on  behalf of Dr MT, he's kind and likeable but he doesn't show whether he wants me to join them or not...By the way the panel consisted of 4 persons...people way up high on the ladder. Trust me it was hard to decide whether to say a word or not on something. Afraid of making mistakes. In general, I have to say that I've answered quite honestly and what I said did make sense...also asked a few relevant questions...too bad I miss opportunity to ask abt salary though...I mean...I wouldn't want to be underpaid for my level of degree...why not underpaid? so that better balance will be there between employers and employees in singapore. cannot be overpaid for sure, in this kind of company. also didn't ask what kind of person they were looking for this position. they talked about themselves much and didn't give me much space to explain about myself.

by the way, if i got accepted and i truly wasn't halucinating, i will be working with this thing for the next 3 years =)

http://www.biomed-singapore.com/bms/sg/en_uk/index/research_resources/
research_highlights/year_2004/ibn_researchers_develop.html

cool, eh? I think it's pretty cool. 

i know if i got accepted it's all because of my internship experience in rhodia, those super boring "latex" days. i think i'm going to be a more relaxed person if I work in this position. will take up chinese too. but then there is always a possibility that they don't want me bcos i'm more research than routine type of person *shrugs* nvm i can always get a summer job in my supervisor's lab...there's always work to do in the materials research lab.

and i cried again due to polymer loss, i do have a soft heart for my compounds/polymers...unfortunately just not for people who don't appreciate me. and the whole plan has just been radically changed, i'm fine with it, but yeah truthfully there's always disappointment in this kind of thing isn't it? ah well, actually sometimes i do hate to depend on my mentor all the time...to depend on each and every of his decision. i hate this. even when you become a phd student you still depend on supervisor's decision...*sigh*

warning, don't read if you don't like spoilers at all.

“Lær Meg Å Kjenne,” as sung by Sissel Kyrkjebø.

Teach me to know your ways
and to walk them trustingly step by step
I know that what I own,
are borrowed goods, and everything is yours.
But if your strong hand guides me,
I will never see the wrong goal,
and for every hope that dies down here,
I will receive a greater hope in heaven.

the traditional norwegian song was played in one of the scenes of the ending. I think that Hong Gil Dong is such a beautiful series that create a mindset of hope for a beautiful future that transcends death =) 

It's the most realistic ending I've ever seen in the kdramas i've watched until today...yes, the world cannot be changed back to 100% perfection...face it...the world is corrupted, there will always be corrupted rulers and 'hwal bin dang's. the world cannot go back to the condition before fall...not until Christ comes back...so that's it the conclusion. I'm happy that they _______ together. it's ok, at least she doesn't marry the other and becomes queen. HGD and HYN forever! manse! I will still continue to watch the last 3 eps =) Gil Dong, I luph you.

1) go fall into a well when you become embarrassed.

2) make a fool of a person by dropping a coin in front of him/her, when he/she tries to take it, kick his butt.

3) can only have one "I luph you" in the world.

4) gather all your friends, form a group with a funny but cool name, attack corrupt governments or strip them from their honour.

5) pretend that you don't understand what's going on when a guy you don't like tells you he likes you.

6) cover your face with a chamber pot to hide from a person you don't want to meet

7) actually buy the pot and give it to the person who hides from you.

8) eat steamed bun, chicken and crackers for a lifetime.

9) would rather die together with your lover than to be separated by death.

10) would die to protect all your friends and people of your country.

11) give your boyfriend an embroidered pocket, a dunno-for-what pocket.

12) wear a pair of sunglasses to feel less embarrassed.

13) actually use "i luph you" as a secret code to shout for help from your ex-fiancee (i found this one very funny) 

14) buy a souvenir from a distant place to try to make a girl/guy you like likes you back.

15) are very excited to see a person comes back from far away just because he brings back what you've requested before.

16) try to boil water in a pot using inner energy.

more to come...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PD6cIQl7eqo

좋은걸 어떡해? 내가 어떡해?

God, help...

right now my life is a mess. who's to blame? i blame myself. i've got no self control. i entertained everyone and ended up getting burnt out in the end. i hardly get 7 hrs of sleep every night. i get up early just to be the first person to enter the shower in the morning. i chatted with people. i entertained people who want to chat with me. i procrastinated more and slept at 12.30 every night. woke up at 6.45. now i got so much to do and yet i'm not in the right framework mentally to finish them all. i hardly can think anymore. i got braindead that can only be cured by doping. that doping is namely caffeine. please allow me to be by myself. and I also should make myself be by myself. and one more thing, I should make myself not be desperate for jobs anymore...I've applied to countless no of companies and now it's time to wait for interview calls. i skipped biobiz 2008 today just because i'm too tired to go. i hate myself. okay, i'll stop here.

- from a person with above 150 stress points

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cT18LZItBLA&feature=related

i ken lee...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ntXg9jOC_f8

my pamily is the most important persons in my life, thank you.

fave dramas, fave moments as well...

http://www.mysoju.com/hong-gil-dong/episode-3/part-1/

http://www.mysoju.com/couple-or-trouble/episode-9/part-1/

http://www.mysoju.com/dal-jas-spring/episode-1/part-1/

http://www.mysoju.com/delightful-girl-choonhyang/episode-11/part-1/

http://www.mysoju.com/my-girl/episode-10/part-1/

too bad bad family isn't there i miss that heartwarming series.

...no worries, yeogi isseo (ada disini) =D

http://www.crunchyroll.com/media-4324/Bad-Family-Episode-5.html

i am afraid of the sad wait that is to come. aren't you afraid too?

i'm like a fool...i think the sad story that is ending soon is going to be continued by another sad story, do I actually have to think of all of life as a collage of sad pictures? why lei?

i've tried to talk to anyone today, whether for professional or personal reasons...and got 1 sentence answer or none at all, maybe this is the reason why. don't you just hate it when it's like this? and when you're busy of course...everybody will want to talk to you in all of e sudden =P *sigh* don't u think it's always been this way? i'm going to develop a state of zen sometime in my life, yay...

i love my mother. i love my father. i love my sisters, and my brothers. (8) Talking about the whole God family. Today's sermon was partly on it. but the lyric above is from OST Bad Family.

Currently feeling: uncertain

why does love make people want to own others? I don't understand this concept at all...many people around me are like this. esp. guys...ok, i'm sure some girls can be like this as well. i was one a long long time ago. it's selfish. even God still gives freedom to humans. to me, to love has always been to give reasonable freedom...i hate this kind of love with a vengeance. before i was a christian, i was like that...always hurt by love, because my love was self-centered, and it's more like self-love than filial love even...

kau hancurkan diriku bila kau tinggalkan aku, kau dewiku. kembalilah padaku, bawa separuh nafasku (8)

"we've decided to hire you and will be notifying you soon. good luck for your exams." yay, i'm going to work soon, if the contract is fine. this is kind of unbelievable, i wasn't hallucinating. thank God...i hope after this career step, i can go to the pharmaceutical industry since this project is drugs related...that's career plan at the moment, but it's all up to God the planner of our lives.

Currently feeling: surprised