Currently feeling: frustrated

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Currently feeling: lazy

The Corrs - Runaway

Say it's true, there's nothing like me and you,
I'm not alone, tell me you feel it too,
And I would runaway,
I would runaway, yeah, yeah,
I would runaway,
I would runaway with you,

Cause I have fallen in love,
With you, no never have,
I'm never gonna stop fallin' in love, with you,

Close the door, lay down upon the floor,
And by candlelight, candlelight make love to me through the night,
through the night, through the night,
'Cause I have runaway,
I have runaway, yeah, yeah,
I have runaway, runaway,
I have runaway with you,

'Cause I have fallen in love, fallen in love,
With you, no never oh, oh,
I'm never gonna stop fallin' in love, with you, With you,

And I would runaway,
I would runaway, yeah, yeah,
I would runaway, runaway,
I would runaway hey with you,

Cause I have, have fallen in love, fallen in love,
With you, no never oh, oh,
I'm never gonna stop fallin' in love, with you,

Fallen in love fallen in love
With you, no never have
I'm never gonna stop fallin' in love, with you

With you, my love,
With you, with you, with you, with you,

the song is dedicated to no one...just one song by the corrs of which melody I like so much...the song was played when i was summarizing project in bk this morning...

Currently feeling: random

some don't fall at all

some fall for a forbidden love

some others fall for those they know they can never have

some people who have been each other's friend for the longest time get together

some others be with people they barely even know

some decide to enter an arranged marriage

some think that singlehood is their way of life

...no matter how old they are, I don't think that women should have the mindset that they HAVE TO enter a relationship sooner or later...I think it has to do with the asian mindset...such as you have to get married before 30 etc etc...sometimes people shouldn't worry too much about where they're heading in life I guess...God has surprises hidden in the corners for everyone...we never know what's going to happen next...

ah sorry, anyway, sleeping at 3 AM surely had provoked me into writing a serious post like this...I gotta go to the lab soon...

Currently feeling: tired

If "helper" in the phrase "suitable helper" from the original Hebrew language, ezer, actually means a "strong helper"...and the word ezer is often used in the context such as God as the ezer of Israel in times of distress...then what attributes should a woman possess as an ezer? Do all women have to be tougher than men? Studies show that women cope with stress better than men (although maybe it's just the majority)...*shrugs* I dunno...

there was a manga entitled "Delicious Time" when I was in highschool...and I've just cooked a real meal for the first time!!! mie goreng excluded of course...

it all began this afternoon, at ard (12.30 pm) when I was walking around holland village looking for food with a hungry feeling. What food stalls were open? They are only BK, Thai Express, and Phohoa Vietnamese cuisine...I was feeling useless and pathetic at the same time, didn't feel like being obliged to eat expensive food...ate microwave pasta from 7/11 for lunch. Afterwards I decided that I should at least know how to cook an edible meal...like that is also a basic survival skill you see...and I'm already 22...

So I bought minced chicken, black pepper paste, and rice...My first cooked rice was...err...got some embarrassing mistake during the preparation, but the final product was okay. Edible in my opinion =P Should have used a more proper container...Then used too much black pepper paste for black pepper chicken...the stir fried minced chicken (can you imagine? lol black pepper chicken with such funny minced texture) was too pepperish...but yay, the meal as a whole was edible...and thank God I'm still alive after eating it heheh should try dishes with real home-made condiments next time =D

Currently feeling: satisfied

'know-it-all's are narrow-minded people. they are a huge turn-off to the society. the more one behaves as a know-it-all, the less likely another is going to agree with his opinion/idea/statement.

this is from the kdrama "Robbers", the male lead said that this is the "I'm Sorry I Love You" version:

With a strong tone, say these lines dramatically:

"Are you going to eat with me or die?"

"Are you going to eat with me or kiss me?"

"Are you going to eat or sleep with me?"

so crazy, the female lead was then very scared and promised to have dinner with him LOL I'm sorry but I really want to post some funny stuff at a time like this, when others only write serious stuffs...

I finally found out that it is impossible to have 3 meals in a day very close to each other in timing...it's true...having so will cause headache and nausea in the night...*sigh* life is tough and hands are 'dirty' again...I don't feel like becoming an RA in NUS...in my lab again....no matter how tempting the job offer is...I still feel nauseous now...

meanwhile, watching an episode of hong gil dong everyday helps me alleviate tiredness and nauseousness.

Currently feeling: nauseous

"that stupid girl is everywhere doing stupid things." ~ Chang Hwi, at the brothel (kisaeng's place). the brothel in the drama is very much like a discotic or a bar...not the kind of brothel usual people usually think of. 

How I wish I could be a stupid girl like Yi Nok sometimes...just doing everything without much thought about it, caring for others and helping them without presumptions, living a burden free life, everyday is always free and easy time, spreading goofiness everywhere, being VERY easily distracted...but the grass is always greener on the other side. at least in my neighborhood it is so.

Currently feeling: bored

1. need to cut hair. (done)

2. need the graciousness to accept failure.

3. need to watch less kdrama and sleep at 11 pm every night.

4. need to get up (not wake up only) at 7 am every morning. I dunno why I look so tired and messed up lately...people have been commenting on that.

5. need a new procedure for that stupid reaction.

6. need to be less hostile to people in my lab.

7. need to remember not to lock out roommate from bedroom. I'm so sorry to Yusita, locked her out last night...stupid me.

8. desperately need God's grace.

women are like mac, men are like pc. maybe it's true after all. women can get so many windows opened at the same time...no matter how I tried to close one of it, I can't...one problem for the day will always bug me the whole day, even when i'm not dealing with it. i can't smile afterwards. ah well...it's useless to debate about this with cool, calm, and collected people. i will be like this forever.

Currently feeling: frustrated

Currently feeling: sleepy

from episode 3, translation is by: With S2 fansubs 

Hong Gil Dong was strolling down the forest with Heo Yi Nok after she was dejected by the young master who bought her a chamber pot.

Hong Gil Dong: Want some? *offering some food*

(Heo Yi Nok shaked her head)

Hong Gil Dong: The young chamber pot master said he didn’t know you and you’re dejected.

(Heo Yi Nok sighed a bit)

Hong Gil Dong: Your love must have been deeper than I thought. If you’re that upset, go and break that chamber pot!

Heo Yi Nok: aishh…

Hong Gil Dong: That’s right! Heo Yi Nok, jia you!

Heo Yi Nok: I thought something was strange when a handsome young master bought me a chamber pot and asked me to stay with him.

Hong Gil Dong: And then he said he didn’t know you? What a rascal.

Heo Yi Nok: If I see him again, I’ll ignore him!

Hong Gil Dong: That’s right, you were too obvious just now!

Heo Yi Nok: Goodbye, young chamber pot master!

(Heo Yi Nok kicked the chamber pot up high, it hit bees’ nest, all the bees were angry and chased both of them. They’re running away like mad and jumped into water.)

I honestly went quite reluctantly to today's group gathering cum dinner...but I got to say that it's rlly without regrets. My supervisor was wearing 7/8 khakis and casual polo tee...I observed that he remembers all of our names, his students, and he's truly a servant leader...it's kind of amazing...working with him is not bad I suppose. yeah, not bad at all, if you want to learn something.

Balaji was there too, without the pressure that I usually get from him. All the PhD students were there. My sup's wife and two kids were there too, since sup is a Resident Advisor in PGP and he practically stays there with his family. Then there was his friend, a mechanical engineering lecturer from NTU, he also brought his wife and two sons, they also stay in PGP. I noticed that the little kid was the one who were there 2 years ago during Kulinite at amphitheatre, yeah that horrible and shameful night...with Willy who was dancing to some Ricky Martin song. The exact cute little kid who always wanders around and smile at people. The female PhD students were wearing nice colored indian clothes...Out of all 10 honours students, only 3 of us were presents + 1 3rd year UROPS student. Got the chance to mingle with Joawen and Swee Meng. Just found out that J is a new born again Christian. She noticed me giving thanks to God before eating and asked me whether I'm a Christian. No wonder she's a nice person who always wears a smile on her face...unlike me =P oops...but oh well...heard some things about chemical companies...and HSA...I feel like applying there...now got more motivation to apply for more jobs, thank God.

The food was nice eventhough I usually dislike Indian food. I guess this time around it was pretty much edible... and fulfilling...it was catered food, I wonder whether it's been made suitable to Singaporean taste.

I wonder whether I will miss all these people...and come back to do some post-grad stuff someday...hmm...

Currently feeling: thankful

I've been on self-destruction mode these few days...must be the drama I'm watching...makes me believe that once i'm in this mode there'll be no other way out...i need to do some self-reflecting...seriously i dunno anymore why I am in this world...my purpose...my way of life...everything is becoming blurry. Sorry God, that I kept on breaking your heart like this =(

I’m on the floor
Counting one minute more
Noone to break the silence

Staring into the night
All alone but that’s alright
It’s the feeling deep inside I don’t like

Chorus:
There is no excuse my friend
For breaking my heart
Breaking my heart again
This is where our journey ends
You're breaking my heart again

Here in my bed
Counting the words you’ve said
They linger in the shadows

Coming home late at night
Drunk again but that’s alright
It’s the look in your eyes I don’t like

Chorus:
There is no excuse my friend
For breaking my heart
Breaking my heart again...

I've been thinking lately that Christians must be the most thick-skinned people on earth...but God really loves them that much...He always accepts them back when they return to Him...or I mean He always accepts sinners who come back to Him...

i posted stuffs on hong gil dong on my wordpress blog...and also here...don't tell me, I already know that I am a 'hong gil dong' freak...ep 7 was very2 sad...hong gil dong is an illegitimate son of an evil minister of the chosun dinasty. he doesn't acknowledge him as a son publicly although gil dong has always respected him, because gil dong's mother was a slave. gil dong's mother was killed by his dad's legal wife. gil dong's stepmom and older step bro trapped him and falsely accused him as a thief, then a murderer. then because of the yong mun organization, he's also accused of attempting a coup to blow the palace. because of this, the evil and crazy emperor tortured and killed innocent men...gil dong decided not to runaway to china with Yi Nok. in the end hong gil dong withdrew himself to his dad and let his dad to capture him in order to save everyone. such a sad episode indeed. motivated me to study hard. and no, he's not dead yet...

Currently feeling: energetic

there are only these things that I talked about with people lately:

1. fyp

2. job applications

3. kdrama & kpop =D

4. of course there are other important things too, but usually I don't talk about it first unless the other party mentions it.

because of that...since people also always ask me these 2 basic questions when they meet me:

1. how's fyp? is it finishing soon?

2. have you started looking for a job?

now here are my answers:

1. okay, get ready for details...I always hate it when others from different fields asked me this vocally, because why? in the written form, you would have a better understanding of it...I can't give too much details when we're talking face-to-face. Therefore, you also have only a vague picture of my progress, right...I have synthesized 3 monomers...the characterizations of these 3 monomers can be said to be already finished ever since my progress report. And I have also polymerized two of these monomers, however the first one was not soluble enough to be characterized, so 'buang' already....but will still explain that one in the final report. So I'm making it more soluble this week by synthesizing it with a branched alkyl group, to weaken the aggregation of the polymer molecules. The steps are exactly the same as that 'reject' polymer, it's just that we expect the properties to be slightly different. My other polymer, also made from 1 of the 3 monomers seem to be okay. It is completely soluble in THF and much more soluble in Chloroform than the 'reject' one. I have taken 1H NMR of it this Monday, however my mentor told me to reduce the concentration of the sample, the peaks were too strong kinda...but it's very similar I'd say to the peaks of the monomer, therefore I'd say there's no doubt that this is a real polymer. Polymer peaks must be broad to indicate that they are not just low molecular weight oligomers. And what I got from Monday were that kind of characteristic peaks. When my mentor comes, he'll help me in polymerizing the modified monomer and the two polymers will then be characterized by:

13C NMR, UV/Vis, Fluorescence, GPC, DSC, TGA, CV. From the UV/Vis and Fluorescence, I will get the quantum efficiency and the bandgap. The bandgap data are especially important since it is this project's objective.

Characterizations I'd say needs only 1 week. Writing the final report takes maximum time of 3 weeks on and off.

2. Yes, I am still looking for a job. Have applied to a total of 5 companies so far. Jobs in chemistry are not that many. Please help me to be patient by not giving me rude or look-down-upon expressions.

I've just realized what is called the 'adolescent crisis'...it's this crisis that accompanies you in your pre-graduation - start working period I suppose...I thought it was a crisis that accompanies you when you hit 21...turns out not so...at this point in life, you really have to start considering what you are really going to do with your life...since no other humans have control upon you any longer...well God does, but still, I believe God often gives us the freedom to choose too in the first starting point.

1. don't be dependent on your partner even for just one second. trust me, you're always fine even when your partner actually went away from you in the end.

2. always tell yourself that you're not in love. joo yoo rin style...you'll be safe.

p.s. funny thing of the day...there was a prof. from a MIT-Harvard joint venture pharmaceutical start up in Sg, having a seminar in the chem department, inviting all chemistry and applied chemistry honours students...he and the hr are recruiting chemistry honours graduate for their company. the company will start operating in late summer/early fall. and he said that NUS chemistry honours graduates (keyword is NUS) actually make great researchers...funny, nay? funny if considering that most of us really hate research...but correct if considering those first class honours who always want to be excellent researchers. me? well I belong to those from the second upper group that still want to do research anyway.

Anyway, I guess I won't mind joining them if let's say I could work part time in my honours lab in the summer (July-August)...hoping for more news from them. they seem like nice people, I dunno why but I really always appreciate americans more than europeans :s I think they're friendlier people who smile more than the later. 

Currently feeling: sleepy, as always

let me recall the feeling again:

Apakah cinta?
Siapa yang memilikinya?
Debar jantung kala bersua
Tak kunjung berhenti
sampai waktunya engkau pergi
Itukah yang kaucari?
Alunan biola nan merdu
seakan mengiringi
langkahmu dan langkahku
saat kita mencoba
berdua lukiskan cerita kita

kala itu mentari mulai tersenyum
tersenyum simpul
dengan sekilas semburat
berwarna merah muda
samar-samar
kadangkala makin terang
di saat lain malah memudar
romansakah itu?

Wahai hatiku,
janganlah kau bohongi aku lagi

jemi isseo...

Currently feeling: bosen

I think I have split personality by now...is this mental disorder? there are times when I feel that I'm in my own world that no one else can enter it...a state of mild depression. I feel that no one else can understand me in that aspect so I'm keeping all to myself. In any ways, I feel I'm like Gom by now. Gom is a VERY CUTE (just like a little gom/a little bear) Hong Gil Dong character who is very cheerful usually, but when somebody threatens him or even jokingly threatens him, then he'd go to his other personality, just like an autistic person who won't talk to anybody.

Currently listening to: Kirots - Reckless confession
Currently feeling: rejuvenated

To all students of GEK 1505

It has been brought to my attention (by one of you) that some students who took the CA test on 21 Feb 08 in LT 27 did not conduct themselves with honesty and integrity, especially at the beginning and at the end of the test.

Dishonest means during the test is unlikely to give them much advantage over the others. The CA test contributes to only 20 percent of the final module result. The structure of the test is such that dishonest means could only contribute to about 5 percent of the final result. This amount is unlikely to help poorly prepared students pass. Well-prepared students will not need this amount to pass, and certainly good students will not need it to score good grades. The final exam will be the crucial factor in your module result.

Dishonesty during md-term tests and take-home assignments is petty dishonesty that will not get you very far in the long run in the robust assessment system of final exams in NUS. In the even longer run of your future career, habitual dishonesty will eventually ruin whatever you may have achieved. 

Though dishonest students are in the minority, it is important for the rest of us not to be negatively influenced by them. Since you are all privileged and fortunate enough to achieve a comparatively high level of knowledge, it is hoped that you should also maintain a high level of moral and intellectual integrity. Knowledge comes from without, but integrity comes from within you.

May honesty and diligence be your guiding light.

Leong Yu Kiang

my comment:

stupid students...it's a pity that the minority of NUS students are like this...I mean...GEK1505 is a mickey mouse module leh...

love was blind back then...but no matter how I try to rationalize love, I always fail...cos love would still be blind whenever it comes. there's really no reason at all in love. so just face every potential heartbreak with readiness to deal with it, I guess?

I've managed to cover up all those until this far and distract myself with any other things aside from it...at least by now I will be able to forget someone who is already dead. The person is no more, not in earth, not in heaven, not in hell.

Currently feeling: fine

well it's not as bad as Atonement...but I'd say that White Chicks or Mean Girls is much funnier than Juno. And I dun believe what Juno's stepmother said that one person can actually dig all the qualities of another person, including all the weaknesses...it's just too nonsensical...the realistic way would be to be able to accept the qualities and still love 'em anyway. Juno's main idea is still too cliche. Even the sinetron starring Agnes Monica entitled "Pernikahan Dini" was something like this, wasn't it? It's just that Dini didn't give her baby to someone else...oh well...whatever...people who have left Indo for a long time might not know Pernikahan Dini anyway. I feel that Juno is just the american style. I believe that the American Juno might be much much better than Korean's Jenny Juno though...that movie looks very gay from its trailer and clips :s

and lo, I saw you again...NUS is surely a small place.

Keep on doing NMR, Daisy...until you get what you like...

Doing column chromatography is really a highway to make ones mind dull.

Currently feeling: dull

this post is dedicated to those who've been miserably staying in a painful one-sided love, despite having been jilted or dejected by the other party. eventhough my way might be a defense mechanism, at least it works well. i really think it's way better than being in that painful state for as long as possible. there's really no point thinking of a guy/girl who doesn't love us. get a new life, dude. life ain't all about those boy-girl things. duh, kok jadi americanized gini. pasti ketularan juno...

in any way, selama janur kuning belum melengkung, I think the principle holds firmly. suatu cara untuk tidak diinjak-injak orang lain.

it can be measured by how long you can go on without literally talking to any people you know (food sellers are not included)...in the real world, not in the virtual world.

I miss Balaji, usually I still can talk to him in the lab...or he would talk to me sometimes...but now, he's no more =( =( =( I need somebody to talk to...or at least if I could listen to someone talking to me IRL, that'd be cool too. I feel so =X I need to go out to job interviews, that way I can talk to people...okay this seriously sounds very pathetic, but it's true. Why not talk to housemates? I also don't know why. Perhaps because I am the least busy out of the four of us. I don't have any weddings to take care of, or any PhD projects, or Industrial Attachments.

Currently feeling: =X

my memory on my life seems to begin in around 1995. so here's the list of whatever I can remember:

1995-1997: MTV, there was Oasis with its classic hit Wonderwall, Mariah Carey with Fantasy, and of course Celine Dion with the Power of Love. I forgot what I watched on TV though, but yea sure there were plenty of good anime aired on local TV channels back then =P I remember watching Ranma 1/2 on RCTI. There were many bad memories from this stage of my life. I remembered how unhappy and in angst everyone in my family was. I also remembered 911, 98 degrees (Invisible Man!), and the Backstreet Boys...My Heart Will Go On...back then I didn't really understand when watching Titanic in the theatre at Surabaya Plaza with my mom and I didn't cry at all.

1997-2000: went to EF, met that cute senior who actually looks like a girl by now. I was shorter than him during junior high, but then I became taller later on in high school hahaha I remembered all those MVs commemorating the year 2000, from Backstreet Boys to J. Lo. Went to this mafia study group under Ms Henny...had a lot of friends there, happy and sad memories. Bought lots of pirated CDs in Pasar Atom. They got Princessa, Get Ready, Geri Halliwell, M2M (but I bought their cassettes, nice albums), and so on. Sang and danced "Bring It All Back", "All I Want is You" and "Oops! I Did It Again" in front of the class for music class heheh back then music class surely was fun. Also had this thought that high schoolers were much cooler than junior high schoolers. By the end of my junior high years, my bro went to study in the US.

2000-2004: went from 59 kg to 51 kg, suddenly got great grades, became the best in my batch. It was all by God's grace...and yeah, the weight loss too =D I remembered gossiping around with Mel, Caroline W, Hariyanto, and Frendy in year 10. Then I was ditched by them in year 11, so I became very good friends with Yuwono, Agustina, Jokha, etc. Was very pissed off by this guy who likes taking pics of me and sms-ing me very very weird stuffs, he didn't stop until I shouted something very rude to him. Had this mafia study group together at Mrs. Magda's place. It had always been fun solving problems together with Inggrid, Christie, Benny, Satriya, Yoko, Evie, Rocky, Stefanus, Puguh, and so on. I remembered songs like "Hey Ya" by Outkast, "God is a Girl" (I'm sorry, but it was the title) by Groove Coverage, "Toxic" by Britney Spears being played at seventeenth birthday parties. parties of rich man's daughters. definitely not me. I stayed low profile. but i attended like so many of these parties. then i got hooked on ragnarok online in Year 12. Played together with Mel (actually after I was ditched by the gang in year 11, they took me back in year 12). Mel leveled up so fast, until level 99 =P After the heartache with *****, got together with ******, whom I didn't love IRL. I liked his character inside a game. Our characters were of the knight rank. We went hunting monsters together. And trust me, I still don't get it how some people can be so different online and offline. I remembered the NTU and NUS entrance tests, how strongwillingly I did for the NTU one...and how I always slept during the tests in the NUS one in Mandarin Hotel, Jakarta. Back then, honestly, I always thought that Jakartan highschoolers looked so arrogant, unlike Surabayan kids. I hated NTU for accepting me in general engineering. Fortunately, I got accepted to Science in NUS, eventhough I was sure I did badly for the chemistry test. How I miss SMA Kr Petra 2, its wonderful teachers, heartwarming environment (plenty of small gardens), auditorium, basketball/volleyball court, the batagor just in front of school, and um, the dark canteen...I remembered also the graduation trip to Bali, and how it was a nightmare somehow, for me. I enjoyed the trip to Waterboom though and for the first time in my life, I looked around to see what's there to clubbing. Only went to a club, listened to the loud techno music, and drank fruit juice. One friend went down to dance but I didn't.

2004-2007: I remembered how I didn't have so many friends in year 1-year 2 because I was in an unhealthy rel. I complaint too much and maybe it's really really bad back then in year 2 sem 2. I didn't like this girl, but sooner or later I learned to accept her for who she is anyway...I remembered loving the applied chem friends, but I think it's all over now, just bcos we don't share the same labs and classes anymore. Friendships like this are called worldly friendships. I remembered how big and curly and ugly my hair was in year 2. Then came the Korean lessons every Saturday at Park Mall. I miss Shahirah...my friend who always went from Johor Baru to Sg every Sat for Korean lesson. Her Korean was as great as mine heheh and she was super funny. Listened to kpop and watched kdrama. I remembered every ISCF camp vividly. First year's was the depressing and headachey one, but still so good. Just that a few of us stayed up till so late every night during the camp. Second year's was the Kak Alex one, we were group Ular, the good Ular. Sunburnt when playing at the beach for too long and the effect is still here to stay. It was once again very good and down to earth. Third year's was the "kucing" one, had games in the evening, barbequed late at night, hated by people for wanting to kill the cats so bad. (If you ask me now, my answer is yes, I still do =P). I don't know how the fourth year's one is going to be like. I'm hoping for a best ever camp in my NUS life, but I don't know whether that is too greedy of a wish or not =) Here, I confidently say that my good friends were: Grace, KTB, Johni (I got ditched by Johni in year 2-3, but he's my good friend again in year 4), Ardi, Pat, Erlin, Ian, Jetan, Jo, Haskell, Indra, Hartanto. I'd never be able to tell who's going to ditch me, or whom I'm going to ditch (as if I've ever really ditched any good friends...), but at least these are my friends. in the present.

Currently feeling: nostalgic

this post is just for the sake of celebrating the leap year...any other day comes once a year, but this one doesn't, so I got to track it and write a post on this day. haha what a stupid reason only meongcheong (멍청 means stupid girl) would make...Sung Yuri's acting has improved so much, she's amazing...I come to the state that I always almost cry everytime it's the scene of Heo Yi Nok mourning over Hong Gil Dong when she thought he already died. Lee Dahae and Jang Hyuk are also amazing in Robbers, but I'm not watching that one cos it's too sad...

1. need to summarize whatever things I want to write in the Introduction and Discussions

2. need to ask mentor whether I'm allowed to discuss on the "failures" of the project, otherwise the report wouldn't be too interesting I find...cos everything just proceeded as how they should be. How long in words can I discuss successes???!!! As if it's obtained by hard and deep thinking, very fortunately it wasn't....it was successful just like that, as planned...except for around 2 reactions where I played around a bit.

3. I'm still pondering on how many pages I'm going to write on the polymer part...sure it'd be much more interesting than the monomers part, but then everything is still uncertain until Balaji comes back. I have to make some prediction on this polymer discussions part.

4. I have finished the procedure part and a draft of the Acknowledgement part haha of course it's so much fun writing that one, just like writing on my blog, and yes, I'm thanking so many people there. You may be included. Intro is under construction.