i currently dislike the rain...because it makes me lazy and sleepy all the time, losing the appetite for living in the present...makes me melancholic too...eeek...i wish it wouldn't rain everyday...i wish only...

There is eventually almost nothing that cannot be solved in a mutually respecting and loving relation between the opposite sexes, except for one thing: betrayal.

I believe even in a vowed marriage, if one betrayed the other to be with a third person (moreover if they betray one another), even if they didn't end up divorcing, that matter would keep on affecting the marriage of their lifetime.

So...be tough, my committed friends...put your trust in the Lord, your God.

Currently feeling: sleepy

1. to make a monthly budget of EVERYTHING, to take note of every little thing I spend on.

2. to be more confident in presentations, I know I can do it, as long as I've prepared well for it.

3. to make a weekly schedule even during holidays. doesn't mean i won't get any days off duty ever. i've learnt my lesson not to use each and every second of my life dedicated to..."duties". even doing nothing itself can be a good time to regain your efficiency and effectiveness in life.

4. to quit checking out facebook/friendster/youtube every 5 hours.

5. not to write things which I am supposed to keep as secret on my blogs...haha though this blog is a good coy...too many people read my wordpress blog...wew

6. Of course last but not least, to set my priorities in life as simple and straightforward as this: 1. GOD 2. Others 3. Myself. Although you see, to sort through those categorized as 'others' itself is already hard for me :s

Currently feeling: mellow

these are from me, others have made a list of it on facebook, some are extreme, some are not extreme enough:

1. you know you are working with a solvent that makes you drowsy as you inhale it and you still keep on working for a few more hours after you make a big mistake due to your drowsiness.

2. you have experienced all these: a splash of a chemical/your compound/solvent on your lab coat, top inside your lab coat, and worse, your face.

3. you have had: wrinkly hands (just like after swimming), colorful hands, and hands with burning sensation because you refuse to wear gloves due to its inpracticality and inflexibility.

4. you have gone through 24 hours without any solid food because you HAVE TO work in the lab.

5. each and every one of your jeans suddenly got colorful stains on it.

6. you decide to think that working as a lab bench chemist has never really been your lifelong destiny at all, and would happily search for a job of a totally different nature.

7. you start to think that people expect you to sacrifice your body and soul for your target compounds while they actually don't.

Currently feeling: crappy

lots of my friends got into relationships, which were all started by knowing each other online. many are long distance relationships. what's your say?

Currently feeling: curious

for 10 days...I knew I should have been in psychology major, the way humans think, feel, live, and relate to each other have always intrigued me...I also like playing the role of a councellor to others. However I'm stuck as a chemist. I have to promise myself that I won't be a lab bench chemist all my life. Just because it's pretty bad for my health.

Currently feeling: thankful

contact me at +628123241698, available starting tommorow, because I lost my Indo simcard actually :s tommorow I'm going to get it back from simpati.

finally using XL 3G mobile on my home's desktop, connection is pretty fast currently, yosh! Please pray for me that I do not become too comfortable and adjust accordingly with the world over here...thanks a lot...this is truly a spiritual battleground. it's like so many people are either Catholic or freethinker, and they believe in their own good deeds until today...it's pretty sad...

Currently feeling: sympathetic

Yesterday, in the aircraft I was reading this book, "Lost Women of the Bible" written by Custis James for her daughter, Allison. There are many chapters about women from the Bible, some are more famous than the others. Which one did I choose to read first? It was Esther =P Just because she's pretty =$

The book is interesting in this chapter. The author talked about Esther in ways I've never ever considered before. Such as what her flaws were: marrying a pagan man and auditioning for it (as a Jew of course she's not supposed to do that, that's even after Ezra the priest's period), even having premarital sex because she's in King Xerxes's harem before she finally got picked as the queen. She's used to pleasing others and compromising. There is this subsection of the chapter that was particularly interesting, let me type it here:

THE EZER(helper) AND THE NOBLEMAN

I fear our marveling over God's providence in putting Esther on the throne "for such a time as this" distracts us from marveling over God's providence in Esther's relationship with Mordecai. His big career break came when he uncovered the plot to murder the king. This was Mordecai's ticket to the top. So it was a painful disappointment for Mordecai when the king promptly forgot his deed of valor and promoted Haman to power. Although Xerxes later realized his oversight and gave Mordecai a day to remembered (forcing Haman to parade and honor him throughout the city), God ultimately advanced Mordecai to power through Esther instead.

Furthermore, Mordecai--who sacrificed for, provided for, and protected the young orphaned Esther, and who paced, coached, and sent covert messages after her abduction--reached a point where he had to admit he needed her. God used the crisis to bring Esther out from behind Mordecai's shadow and to teach him to depend on her. Mordecai thought all along that Esther needed him. God backed him into a corner where his very life depended on her. God has his ways of drawing men and women into strong alliances.

Which means the corollary is also true, for like Esther, every woman needs a Mordecai. I'm reminded how much I do every time some new challenge confronts me--a job promotion into management, starting my business in England, writing a book, going solo on speaking engagements. By now I should be accustomed to feeling I've gotten in over my head, but it still shakes me up. What a difference it makes when there's a man like Mordecai around--my husband, father, a business colleague, or a close friend--to cheer me on, to be a sounding board and wonder with me if God has put me where I am "for such a time as this." Mordecai summoned Esther into action. He refused to accept her excuses. His voice--more than any other--gave her the courage to move ahead. As women, we are responsible to step out whenever God calls, with or without encouragement from men. How much easier for us when the men in our lives acknowledge their need of our gifts and do whatever they can to empower us to use those gifts.

That Esther commands Mordecai is monumental. His response affirms the rightness of her actions and the godliness of a man who is unthreatened by this "role reversal." (Daisy: Haha, some men whom I know are threatened most of the time, luckily some others are not.) He called her to step out, and when she did, he affirmed her by doing whatever she asked.

What she commanded was also significant. esther commited herself and her maids to a three-day fast before she took any action. She called on Mordecai and the people of God to join this crucial fast--to express sorrow for their sin and cry out to God for help they didn't deserve. She acted as the spiritual leader of her people--leading them back to God to acknowledge their dependence on him. After they do, she will approach the king. So how did this ipact Mrodecai?

Contrary to fears voiced often today--that a man is diminished if a woman takes the lead--Mordecai only stood to benefit. Esther pointed him to God, saved his life, and fostered his rise to power. That was only the start of the good she brought him. After five years of living and observing palace life, she understood palace politics as an insider. Her skillful handling of the king in the crisis was only the first time her knowledge and experience proved indispensable. Mordecai valued and needed her partnership long after the initial crisis died down.

Together they give us one of the strongest pictures of a Blessed Alliance. Esther was no longer a dependent. Nor was she independent of Mordecai. She was an equal who stood with him in battle. This was God's plan for men and women from the beginning--to rule and subdue together. United, Esther and Mordecai battle to free God's people from the jaws of the Enemy.

What is Christmas? We should have been celebrating Christmas everyday! Why December 25th? Jesus Christ wasn't even born on that day we believe...as it was most probably not during wintertime. I don't understand why people make a big fuss of the date itself...and the month of December...talking about Christmas decorations at Orchard, yes! I hate it, I must admit. Though I never really hated the sale...for practical reasons...if not selfish reasons. I am all for it for evangelization during the Christmas season though.

I'm not celebrating Christmas on December 25th especially, I want to celebrate Christmas everyday...and I'm sleeping tight before midnight on December 24th, which is tonight. I'm going to be the Grinch. Sorry but I think the tradition of celebrating every December 25th is pretty much overrated, for me.

Currently feeling: Grinch-ish

Ku teringat hati
yang bertabur mimpi
kemana kau pergi cinta
Perjalanan sunyi
engkau tempuh sendiri
kuatkanlah hati cinta

Ingatkan engkau kepada
embun pagi bersahaja
yang menemanimu sebelum cahaya
Ingatkan engkau kepada
angin yang berhembus mesra
yang kan membelaimu cinta

Kekuatan hati yang berpegang janji
genggamlah tanganku cinta
Ku tak akan pergi meninggalkanmu sendiri
temani hatimu cinta

Ingatkan engkau kepada
embun pagi bersahaja
yang menemanimu sebelum cahaya
Ingatkan engkau kepada
angin yang berhembus mesra
yang kan membelaimu cinta

Currently feeling: warmhearted

I was not born in a Christian family...they...they were either Catholic focusing on good deeds and selfish prayers (okay, I know that some other Catholics are not like this), Christian on IC, or they just thought that all religions are just the same.

in this case, sometimes you can't help but think that they're against you...that your own family is your enemy...they simply don't understand the cause you're fighting for...

Luckily it's been growingly easier to have more intellectual and personal religion-related discussions with members of my mom's family nowadays...though from my father's family side...it's still bleak right now. Will continuously pray for them. Funnily, actually my grandfather from father's side converted to a Christian at his old age (now he already passed away, but I'm glad that I will see him again someday =) ) and he also knew Rev. Stephen Tong.

Currently feeling: it's raining catsanddogs

Letto - Hantui Aku

matahari pagi dan embun yang dingin hari ini
oh indahnya..
ku harus memulai kerinduan lagi hari ini
karena kangenku memang tak tahu malu
apalagi kau senang diracun madu
tolong aku...
ku tak tahu...
oh ku tak mau tahu...

tapi memang senyummu selalu hantuiku
walau ku tak tahu hatimu

oh please jangan pernah kau berhenti
hantui aku

hari ini.. oh sejuknya
engkau masih disini isi lamunanku hari ini
oh biar hatiku memang tak mau tahu
apalagi kau senang di mabuk rindu
tolong aku...

aku mau..
ketemu lagi kamu

tapi memang dirimu selalu hantuiku
walau ku tak tahu hatimu

oh please jangan pernah kau berhenti hantui aku

tapi memang dirimu selalu hantuiku
walau ku tak tahu hatimu

oh please jangan pernah kau berhenti..

tapi memang dirimu selalu hantuiku
walau ku tak tahu hatimu

oh please jangan pernah kau berhenti
hantui aku

Currently feeling: energetic

I'm crossing my finger that I could get into A*STAR's IMRE...The people over there seem to be quite nice and friendly. Working in a company where the boss does not appreciate the employees at all (and thus, employees feel discouraged to perform better) is a big no-no for me. Learnt my lesson from Rhodia.

this sem a B- added some dust to my academic record (I used to have only 1 B- now there are 2.), 2 'A-'s added a bit of colors...I'm a bit downcast, but others tell me to still be thankful no matter what...no one can stay at the top forever, Daisy.

Currently feeling: shocked

"Even when someone can no longer make sentences through speech and writing—to express love, even when someone is too frail to move—for a loving touch, even when someone’s memory of moments together and common interests begins to fade, even when someone becomes more and more confused with one’s awareness of oneself—and of loved one. Even when such things happen, love will have the last word."

I thought it's so cool because it's so true heheh =D

Currently feeling: relaxed

tonight i looked through my baby and childhood photos back then. My mom was a Song Hye Kyo look alike, trust me!!! But then I didn't look so much like her when she was young. She's so pretty, that just ain't me. My brother looked too cute back then. I was...a non-smiley kid...a non-smiley baby...I thought I was a strong baby girl. I mean the strong and tough look was already patterned there since I was like 3. I looked similar to how I look now...I'm always and forever THE EMO KID. And the kid who would successfully pull out such weird weird poses. I'm forever a weird kid too. People who know me as a weirdo really do know me.

Currently feeling: sad

coolie-ing again...won't be able to watch "Cahaya"...forget everything...forget all the fun, food, and laughter...cast your energy upon the project until March...this is it...mon grand finale in NUS...

Currently feeling: rushed

Everytime I go back Indonesia, I always got this gastrointestinal inflammation. I feel very ridiculous. They fed me too much food and I couldn't reject them.

Currently feeling: sleepy

vomiting all the time. i'm so afraid to eat/drink... my intestines are so unhealthy I think I must have lost all my weight gain while I'm in Surabaya. oh yea...btw right now I've successfully settled back to Sg.

Currently feeling: sick