1. Let's say A + B = couple. Assume A = girl, B = boy. Then there's this girl C. When B becomes flirty to C, C responds back just as a friendly colleague. But A then becomes upset at C. See how illogical and unfair an emotional mess can be?

2. When a girl and a boy hooks up...it's ALMOST ALWAYS, the boy will be less kind and less tolerant (baca: jadi self-centered) to the girl than before the relationship (baca: masa pdkt). This then leads to the girl's insecurity of what ifs during the future marriage. As for example...what if the boy treats her like trash (like an object who deserves no consideration in most cases?)...or like a servant (baca: babu)...or leave her with another woman (perhaps younger?). Then they break up...

Semua ini adalah sia2, bagaikan mengejar angin belaka =P So...boys and girls, don't practice this at home...

Currently feeling: weird

Below is my workaholic test result:

Slow down, take a deep breath, and RELAX! Has eating become a burden? Do you feel guilty when you have to take a bathroom break? Has it been so long since you've had a night off that you've forgotten what your friends look like? You need to shift out of high gear long enough to realize that you're running on empty! It's commendable that your job is so important to you. And your endurance and ambition are certainly admirable. But, where's the balance? Have you lost sight of your own needs because you're so focused on those of your company? In order to maximize productivity, you must have some balance in your life. Take some time out each day for YOU. It's healthy and necessary. If you are overworked, not only will your social and personal life suffer, but the quality of your work will suffer too. So, before you lose sight of what's important, take a step back and reassess your priorities. A successful career alone does not amount to a fulfilling life.

really feel like sleeping anytime nowadays...zzz I'm really tired of expecting the next thing to come in life...what has become of me?

1. I feel that eating is no longer a break to wait for, I feel that it's something that takes the time supposed to be used for lab reports.

2. I got insomnia...cannot sleep before past 00:00.

3. I jilted everytime I heard the phone ring or got a sms. Constantly scared for more burden/duties/unnecesarry duties to help others coming up.

4. I am annoyed by friends who take a few hrs of my time questioning me about lab reports or other modules on the phone/msn.

5. I then appeared offline on MSN to avoid them.

6. I know I shouldn't write this post, I also know that I've lost part of my insanity and calmness.

Edit:

7. The fact that I wrote 'insanity' instead of 'sanity' indicates that I'm more able to identify myself with that word instead of the other hehehe

it's when you're having hard times...then you'll know who your real friends are...those who never have anything to say to you, not even an sms/msn/e-mail msg of encouragement, not even a word...are they friends at all? I guess not.

right now I really have the thirst to get knowledge of what's true in science (esp. chemistry) as a person...I must admit that sometimes my thirst for wisdom is unfortunately much lower than that of knowledge. It's not good I know. However...I think ppl do need to balance between knowledge and wisdom...without wisdom, you cannot do anything good with the knowledge you have. Without knowledge, you don't have much tools to practice your wisdom...I guess we all really need to balance between the two.

note: I love how Stephen Tong always tells us to learn mandarin as Chinese Indonesians hehehe actually I think learning a RELEVANT language in a country we're staying for quite sometime is of high importance. This way, we can reach out to a lot more ppl and not just Indonesians...esp. for ppl like me who don't get along/communicate too well with fellow Indos huh =P ?

. . . you are that one’s slaves whom you obey . . . —Romans 6:16 

The first thing I must be willing to admit when I begin to examine what controls and dominates me is that I am the one responsible for having yielded myself to whatever it may be. If I am a slave to myself, I am to blame because somewhere in the past I yielded to myself. Likewise, if I obey God I do so because at some point in my life I yielded myself to Him.

If a child gives in to selfishness, he will find it to be the most enslaving tyranny on earth. There is no power within the human soul itself that is capable of breaking the bondage of the nature created by yielding. For example, yield for one second to anything in the nature of lust, and although you may hate yourself for having yielded, you become enslaved to that thing. (Remember what lust is— "I must have it now," whether it is the lust of the flesh or the lust of the mind.) No release or escape from it will ever come from any human power, but only through the power of redemption. You must yield yourself in utter humiliation to the only One who can break the dominating power in your life, namely, the Lord Jesus Christ. ". . . He has anointed Me . . . to proclaim liberty to the captives . . ." ( Luke 4:18 and Isaiah 61:1 .

When you yield to something, you will soon realize the tremendous control it has over you. Even though you say, "Oh, I can give up that habit whenever I like," you will know you can’t. You will find that the habit absolutely dominates you because you willingly yielded to it. It is easy to sing, "He will break every fetter," while at the same time living a life of obvious slavery to yourself. But yielding to Jesus will break every kind of slavery in any person’s life.

P.S. I find it so true...yet I still yielded to my studies as no 1 priority...I shld ask God for forgiveness really

I still don't understand what God wants me to do with my life at this current time actually...firstly, I was seperated from someone special...then, all my good Christian friends are suddenly hooking up. I don't spend so much time with them anymore...now I spend a lot of my time with nonbelievers in fact, either applied chem classmates, labmates, or Korean course friends. I honestly am not very sure whether I have influenced them in a good way or not up until now. On the other hand, opportunities in studies also come...success starts to come my way...Now you guys tell me...if it's not to spend more time studying...what is it that God wants me to do with this life? If I hadn't made myself busy with my studies, I'd have become crazy of having nothing to do, having noone to spend my time with...really.

 

 

Note: another thing that I have thought of recently is that...God wants me to spend more time with Him...but I dunno why I still find it so difficult nowadays...yeah...

Currently feeling: frustrated

Applied chem 07/08 graduating batch is the best ! Yesterday, 16 of us went to eat dinner together at Rivervalley Indonesian restaurant (which is not better than the ayam penyet resto near Bugis) and spent some time sharing at TCC. It's quite nice to find out more things about them...one of them already had a relationship for 10 yrs and is probably going to propose to his girlfriend soon, another one just broke up (just like me lor =P), still another one (is having a long distance relationship for 3 years...she said...she's going to let go of the guy if she's not the best person for him, so sweet...or naive?), then I also found out that a group of people in my batch are opening a chemical company after they graduate... I wish I could speak and listen to Mandarin more properly, to interact more with these people. In fact, they encourage me to speak the language...eventhough on the other hand, they made fun of this poor Indo guy in my batch who speaks Mandarin funnily =P

Applied chem class (38 persons in total, my batch is relatively small compared to other years') is really...like highschool without the romance and flirtation (just cos we're too old for that, perhaps?). I hope we still can meet up with each other (esp. my lab groupmates! the awesome Mingxian, Shiqi, Ivy, and Su Zhen) even after we have graduated later on...

Currently feeling: lethargic

what to do if your heart is composed of all these: distrust, pity, guilt, sense of responsibility, and an attachment to the past at the same time? Should you just let go? What to do...?

At the moment I am not very sure. I am very willing to let go of the past...however at the same time, other things cloud my decision.

Meanwhile life goes on...and there is a crazily, unbelievably long lab report to do...I want to finish by Sunday night...if possible...

Last but certainly not least, GOD...please help me...

Currently feeling: rushed

I would like to find a future husband who is: of the same faith, obedient to God, nice-looking, at least 178-cm tall, not too thin, not too fat, smarter than me, hard working but less kiasu than me, talkative, is not a geek, uses his time well, is not a pervert, responsible, sensible, preferably of the chinese race, at least has one same liking/hobby as me, speaks Bahasa well or speaks English well.

another important thing is that: he MUST love me and must have confidence that he really does. Whether I love him or is trying to love him comes later...

Is my criteria too much? This is it...another nonsensical crap of a person who hallucinated due to too much time spent on lab reporting...

Currently feeling: rushed

I realize that for some people, love isn't the main reason for living...it's not the main purpose, thus it is okay to sacrifice it for something else, when God tells you to do so.

and I may be one of them.

...goes to a wise and mature person who still looks and sounds like a human.

But, who am I but a small dust to this person? Even if it's really like that, I'm glad and thank God to know that there's still such a person...once again lifting me up from my pessimistic perspective which is close enough to that misbelief namely: fatalism.

Meanwhile...my heart is beating fast...not because of that person...but more likely bcos I sacrificed some more of my lifespan...to get the shinigami eyes...ani, energy to study for a test... from the infamous poison named caffeine, for the third time today...and it's also probably why I wrote another crap like this =P

Currently feeling: working