I need a damn good heartbreak. I hope he'll break my heart, very soon, very fast, a damn good one...I can't stand this feelings any longer...

Currently feeling: depressed

a girl should be conservative and wait for the guy to chase first. 'nuff said...

Currently feeling: working

Dalam Songs of songs, dikatakan love is as strong as death...and jealousy is like sheol/grave...love cannot be quenched by waters, cannot be washed down by rivers. I guess now I realize what it means...and yes, probably I can never be with the person whom I like...or love?? I dunno...

I wish...I could never fall in love again...and I could never be jealous again...

Currently feeling: sad

Heck, Kulinus this year was very fun, there were so mannnyyy freshmen (freshmen i manhayo )...So it was very merry. Our team, "Daisy Duck" suddenly became a champion because the judges said we're spirited, were shouting all the time during our cheers and never down though we lost all of the games haha Lousy team name too, I know All bcos of Nana starting it...Too bad I didn't know much about Sheila, Cindy, and Vengky, the JC kids, but overall, the whole team was very united. I hate the game when we had to run around in a square to get pieces of "rafia" off the opponents' t-shirts. Fell down quite harshly during the game due to slight kiasu-ness, besides that also lost my sandals cos one of the pair was cut off when I was running from avoiding someone. That was the reason of my kiasu-ness in the first place was a bit upset I guess...

Then, we got "drama" for performance, 1st time slot. During the break, I seriously wrote the scenario and script for the drama. I realize that I could be a sutradara dadakan I chose Meteor Garden, took bits of it and changed the plot with a little twist and humour here and there...It was quite funny, though too bad some ppl couldn't hear the boys' dialogues cos their voices were not loud enough. I have always loved acting and being a director for dramas and skits since I was young. could it be that I'm also good at it? I dunno...still need confirmation from more ppl I guess

Kulinite was fun to watch overall, I like the performance from the lawak group and the pantomim group, the dance performance was really boring...then the 'advertisement' performance was the worst of all...Then it comes to Mr & Miss Kulinite. All the girls were told to dress as guys, then the guys vice versa. Then this strange guy who came out of nowhere dressed wayyy more bizarre than the others, almost like a prostitute. During the 'fashion show', he showed some pornographic gestures to the audience, which was to our shock...It was really disgusting, you just know what I mean if you were there. Luckily the judges criticized him that he had no behavior and did not make him win. The MC also said not to repeat such actions again next time...phew, really nice that they dared to oppose him. The event ended at around 10 after a weird dance from the exco of PINUS of which they told us to follow after, very meaningless, eh 0_o;; ?

That was my review of Kulinus & Kulinite 2006...gotta go back to work now

Currently feeling: working

Nana reminds me of Chia2

Evelyn reminds me of Caroline W.

Teddy reminds me of Jenalwin

Janet reminds me of Erlyza

Those are freshmen except for Nana...Ah, can u tell that I really miss highschool...I want to go back to those lovely times in my highschool in Sby homesick attacks me again...I guess, I stayed in Sby too shortly during my short summer holiday this year...and it'll be like that again after I start working in Sg...I really want to move out of Sg after I finish my bond Probably move to Korea or Indo...as long as it's not in Sg

Currently feeling: homesick

Someone triggered me to write about this topic actually. Last nite got myself into a quarrel with a stubborn guy over Korea and Koreans. He told us that the love pictured in Korean dramas is all false. I think it might not be 100% true like reality...but at least it has some aspects which are true also...of course...it's just a film after all, duh...

I realize...that there's no perfect love that a human is capable to perform in this real world. A guy would just leave with another girl after being dissapointed by his girlfriend. Most people cannot keep themselves loyal to their partner by setting their hearts onto other objects of affection, meski mungkin gak sampe nyeleweng yah...Yah accidentally falling in love aja...infatuated with other people...etc etc...Therefore, I realize my love life has been going on ever since at least high school, and there's no one guy that I can love perfectly 100%. I don't really believe in "true love" anymore between a guy and a girl. Besides that, as from Paul's advice in one of his letters (sorry, I forgot from where exactly )...By marrying a guy or a girl, you'll end up getting yourself to satisfy your partner, using most of your mind, emotions, and energy, and you cannot serve God with your whole existence. I found it to be completely true...Since then...I have been thinking a lot about giving up my whole love life and to be single forever, since I cannot love 100% perfectly, and nobody else can. Besides that this whole thing would just damage my love for God.

Ah well...it's really best to be single if we could...just as Paul pictured it in the Bible I suppose...  

Currently feeling: thoughtful

If you've always been complaining for being an NUS student and is currently studying there...do not do it...because in fact, I feel quite worse now, if not comparably as bad as last sem. If last sem I had to deal and cope with stress because of too many duties, this sem I had to deal with loneliness. It's true, I'm an intern now, for 6 months (3 and a half months more to go yay ), and then all my other friends (except for IA friends of course) are ALL BUSY studying, including my good friends, both Indonesians and non-Indonesians. I feel this envy in my heart...they can joyfully choose modules, plan their timetable for this sem, attending lectures and learning new things, while me....what do I get? Just getting the same routine everyday, even on weekends it's still routines :s Having working life is such a nitemare, in this case, I might really consider going for master degree haha What do I learn more this sem? Life lessons, yea...probably I won't learn much stuff academically...And I wonder, whether this is God's will for me to get closer to Him, since I practically don't have anybody near me whom I can depend on and meet often. I also wonder then...if this is the time to learn more life skills rather than academic ones and to reflect back on what I've been doing these past 2 years in NUS, just perhaps...I would be able to see my calling in life more clearly from doing it. It's been so blur...still so until this very moment I type this. Aaa jin jja...must go to bed now liao...gotta get my beauty sleep, so that time won't be able to steal it so much lol those who went to the same sermon as I did last Sunday know what I mean...

Currently feeling: lonely

Interests as a chemist and polymer scientist-to-be :

- molecular electronics & nanotechnology (I have been exposed so many times to this topic accidentally...)

- organic synthesis

- biopolymers, or just simply polymers occuring in nature, or well... God-created polymers

- emulsion polymerization, so tired of 'cooking' latexes everyday

Other interests:

- still...design esp. web and computer graphic design

- the film world...acting...directing...etc etc

- of course the you-know-what...Korean language and culture. I've just realized that Korean alphabet a.k.a Hangeul is the simplest and most systematic east asian alphabet system used...Sejong De Wang (King) is really good for creating such alphabets, definitely a lot simpler than Japanese alphabets, after I saw the table of hiragana/katakana(not sure which one), I was so shocked and decided not to take Japanese 1 next sem  

Currently feeling: relaxed

1. Dalam bahasa Korea, gak ada suku kata yang pake 2 vowel, kalopun gabungan, cuma ada: wa, wi, wo, we, ei, sama, ya, ye, yo, yu. Jadi kalo liat tulisan: "Seoul" sebenernya bacanya "Saw-ul", bukan "Se-o-ul", "Tae" berarti "Te".

2. Kalo ada akhiran "l", lafalnya lidah hrs sedikit ditekuk ke dalam, sehingga jadi kayak "l"nya orang India .

3. Satu2nya vowel yang aneh dalam bahasa Korea adalah "eu", yang bacanya harus gabungan "e" (kayak "e" nya enggak) dan "u".

4. Bahasa korea pronounciationnya nyambung, jadi gak ada putus2, konsonan di akhir suku kata bisa naik jadi konsonan di awal suku kata berikutnya. Lucunya lagi, "r" dlm bahasa Korea dibaca "r" kalo di awal suku kata, dan "l" kalo di akhir suku kata. Sedangkan "s" jadi "s" di awal suku kata tapi "t" di akhir suku kata.

5. Bbrp kata dengan awalan "m" dibaca spt "mb" dan yang dengan awalan "n" dibaca jadi "nd", kayak bhs Jawa kan ? cth: mul (water) dibaca "mbul" dan "nu gu" (who) dibaca "ndu gu".

6. Sentence structure Korean: S + O + Time + Location + V. Enaknya S, O, T, dan L tmptnya boleh dipindah2 sesuka hati (S, O, dan L dapat dikenali dg tanda akhiran tertentu), tapi V harus tetap di akhir kalimat.

01. Yuchuprakachia (sung by: Tony An)
translation by: Jungie (also credit: aheeyah.com)

I curse you all I want and throw you all away but when
I turn around I love you again, I'd forgotten what kind of woman you are.
You're the wicked one, you ruined me.
You make you go crazy again and I could care less.
Why did you come, why did you come find me again?
How could you be so shameless?
I want to push you out of my embrace but when I hold you, when I hold you
tightly, my dead heart begins to move again.
I want to get away from this now but then I remember you.
My stupid heart, my heart must be waiting for you everyday.
I want to hate you so desperately, but I keep loving you.

I miss you, there was never a day I forget you.
I worry about you a lot but in the end I can't see you again.
It's gotta be like that though, I can't throw you away.
By throwing me away, you were able to get that reassuring happiness.
I held onto you and cried; it was the first time I had cried.
I want to push away those lips that threw me away but when I hold you,
when I hold you tightly, my dead heart begins to move again.
I want to get away from this now but then I remember you.
My stupid heart, my heart must be waiting for you everyday.
I want to hate you so desperately, but I keep loving you.

I want to stop now, I'm so sick of women like you
Why do I love you again even though I curse you?
What more must I do for this to end?
Don't come again please don't come mess things up.
Don't make me crazier with your selfishness (I miss you more)
I thought I had finally forgotten you, who threw me away but
I must've only forgotten the hateful feelings for you.
When I hold you,when I hold you tightly, my dead heart begins to move again.
I want to get away from this now but then I remember you.
My stupid heart, my heart must be waiting for you everyday.
I want to hate you so desperately, but I keep loving you.
When I hold you, when I hold you tightly, my dead heart begins to move again.
I want to get away from this now but then I remember you.
My stupid heart, my heart must be waiting for you everyday.
I want to hate you so desperately, but I keep loving you.

ai zhen de hen zhong...bu zhi dao zhen me zuo, zhen me shuo...love between men and women is one of the greatest mysteries in life. Although in yesterday's sermon, they were: God, freedom, immortality...but I'd like to add that thing into the category also This kind of love is really undefinable.

 P.S. Kepala skrg jadi enteng banget, baru saya sadari, kebutuhan tidur manusia emang beda2, buat saya kalo gak tidur minimal 7 jem sehari, bakal @_@ banget...

Currently feeling: sleepy

I really have to agree with dopey's opinion on 'rest' now, at least for sleep. I have to say that humans really have different need on sleep time. One may need 8 hrs a day, another 7 hrs, and usually the older we get, the less amount of sleep we need. I observed that from my parents' sleeping pattern. One cannot be trained to sleep less than he/she needs regularly & still function properly. It just does not work. Having not enough sleep really cause bad things on us emotionally. I've just had the experiment today, when I slept less than 7 hrs a day, I really become bad tempered. Petty little things can drive me crazy, for example annoying strangers. Normally, I can tolerate these kinds of things pretty well already, but not today. Moreover, my efficiency to work decreases when I don't get enough sleep. I cannot become alert anymore...

My conclusion is that, we still need to develop healthy sleeping pattern regularly. Unless, it's an emergency case that we die die cannot get enough sleep, otherwise I don't think we should try to make ourselves suffer to look cool like Paul. Paul himself, I believe he did not like...get himself very few hrs of sleep everyday eventhough he had a lot of sufferings in his life. When he mentioned about sleepless nights, he did not mean that he had sleepless nights regularly during His service for the Lord, right? 

1. to learn more about computer graphic design again, and practice with adobe photoshop CS & beautiful brushes  to master the art of blending layers and masking.

2. to learn simple cooking

3. to learn Korean until at least intermediate level

4. to learn Chinese until I can converse daily using the language :D well this one, I gotta do after I graduate.

5. to enjoy my current research in anti-corrosive coating...aww man...I need to get a very interesting research field for FYP next year that would fire up my passion in doing chemistry research again.

Currently feeling: hungry

Go to www.pressanykey.com and try to look up your name in the dictionary. I think for those with English names, they would probably have your names Let me mark the result...

Your first name of Daisy has made you a hard worker with a meticulous sense of detail (I guess so). You have a great deal of patience (no way) and independence (yeah), and you can be relied upon to complete your undertakings. You are stable (so-so), trustworthy, homeloving (aaaargh noo), and logical in practical matters (yup), but rather unresponsive to suggestions from others (true) . You resist change (hmm, yes). This name does not give you great ambitions, vision, or imagination (so true). It frustrates the expression of your softer, feminine qualities in that you find it difficult to express the depth of your feelings for those you love (yep, but not so anymore). It limits you to practical matters of the day, filling your life with detailed routine. hard work, and monotony (hmm, not really). Weaknesses in the health could affect the intestinal organs, causing growths, ulcers, constipation, or glandular conditions. Problems from head tension affecting the eyes, ears, sinuses, or teeth could arise. (only the ulcer is correct)

Currently feeling: bored

As a single girl, I have the right to fall in love, right? Whether I finally be with him or not, it's another story...if he's to be with another woman, may I be able to accept it gracefully also...

Currently feeling: hurt

Someone is being too kind, too attentive for no reason at all...what if I really like him?

Currently feeling: confused

Yesterday's sermon by Pdt. Aiter reminded me to rethink about our callings as Christians in this short life, both generally and specifically. Generally, of course all of us, I assume already know...Specifically, I still don't know my calling, it seems that it's not the time yet for Him to reveal it to me. I dream of living and working in Korea, to interact with Koreans etc etc, kalo bs jadi duta besar Indo di Korea gt ya :D that would be fun...but then I figure that I would surely miss my family and friends, both in Singapore & Indonesia. Actually, if I had the option, I wouldn't want to live in Sg for good :s If only I could choose, I'd rather stay in Indo or in Korea, well practically anywhere but Singapore :D

But, yesterday I was thinking suddenly, what if my calling is to be a researcher in Sg :s a chemist, an organic chemist, a medicinal chemist or a polymer scientist :s I wouldn't like that...honestly...but what if that's my lifepath? What can I do then, I cannot just deny my calling and 'banting setir' to another field, can I? I dream of becoming a movie director, since to be an actress is quite an impossible option for me I'm too old already, and I don't have any acting background. But then, after all, maybe it's still too idealist to be a director, since to make movies nowadays require so much manpower and technical cost...not to mention, the special skills and knowledge that I still need to learn.

Ah well...still, without dreams, if we're so easily satisfied with our own achievements, we would easily be mediocres in this cruel world. Of course, with the exception of those soo naturally-gifted and I am confirmed not one

Currently feeling: thoughtful

My experiment proves that adequate sleep is one of the keys to achieve effectively high morale in working, and probably it also applies to attending lecture, studying, and doing projects/papers/reports/etc An 8-hours-of-sleep a night, keeps the angry boss alight

Currently feeling: high