Being a 2nd year student is tough, esp. if:

1. You take 5 hard modules (with 4 of them being core modules...moreover with labs) or you take 6 modules, it'll be just the same or at least similar in term or workload and stress level.

2. Then you realize you cannot recall when is the last time you went out for window shopping...outta this NUS environment. Bagaikan katak dlm tempurung, eh?

3. Because every weekend all you do at most is just to have dinner somewhere nice with friends after church...afterwards you quickly go back to hostel to study or finish up projects/assignments/lab reports.

4. Then you also realize you have been taking coffee as your daily drug of choice.

5. Then you realize how flabby your bod has become bcos you have NEVER EVER had any sports during the semester.

6. 2nd last...you realize your friends start asking you, "Why are you always busy?" or "Why have you become an antisocial?" and those are of course...those who are not your classmates or project mates this sem And of course for you who already have a steady beau, you realize that it's been "bagaikan telur di ujung tanduk" bcos you hardly have enough quality time.

7. Last but not least...things become worse as you've gained 40 plus ECA points which is the minimum point needed to stay in hostel...now you realize how crazy you must have been in juggling ECAs. And then you start swearing to yourself that you won't want to repeat the same path of suffering next year.

8. Personal note, it will become the worst thing ever happened to you on NUS because then everyone in the fellowship still accuse you why you're being grumpy and cranky and don't think before you speak out your opinions (I've been trying to be honest yet they don't appreciate it...yes, this is the reality world) this semester neglecting the fact that you've been thru point 1-7...Then you realize you've been taken for granted...and the feeling is like getting stabbed right into the heart and it created a big big hole on it...which is...an unpretty sight.

Yes God, thanks for letting me go through this all...I've certainly learnt a lot...I just need more heart capacity to go pass the last note on point 8, cause it hurts a lot. I feel I have given a lot for these ppl, yet they're still full of dislikeness toward me and cannot understand or empathize with what I've been thru. This might have been a punishment...or might be trials that I have to go through this sem...

Thanks for reading

Currently feeling: hurt

Bagi Ardi yang mungkin belum tahu, ketua ISCF utk suatu year kan dipilih dr exco th itu juga...nah biasanya dipilih scr voting pada saat camp dr calon2 yang tdk menolak dicalonkan...

Nah...menurutku ya, pemilihan dg cara spt ini unfair, dan bisa2 tergantung popularitas calon2 tsb di kalangan anak2 ISCF (hanya yang hadir pas camp itu pula). Sebenernya aku menyarankan kalo mungkin dari hanya 2 calon (sptnya th ini calonnya bakal cuma 2, dan masih rahasia ), bs draw lot...tentu saja dengan didoakan sebelumnya, toh kedua kandidat menurut saya ada kelebihan dan kelemahan masing2 dan sama2 kuat :D Gimana ya menurut kalian? Soalnya bukannya di alkitab pemimpin biasanya yang bener2 dipilih Tuhan ya, bukan yang dipilih manusia??? Hmm...

Currently listening to: yang cheng lin - ai mei
Currently feeling: calm

Despite the heavy workload, actually I luv being an applied chem student especially in material chem, where the rivals are much less than in drugs, j/k lar though it's true...it's bcos I won't like taking PR modules I guess...perhaps it'll be more like life science, eww :s memorizing a lot of things...aww man I'm going to miss my applied chem friends on IA next sem...we've been together for 1 year already, it's like a highschool class, every tuesday got 7 hrs lab, then always together during our monday-thursday lectures...and the memorable chalet...aww, I'm going to miss my friends...esp. those in material option such as Ming Xian, Andy, Zhi Ming (despite how competitive he is, actually he's a good person at heart), and of course Su Ann , the only girl I'm close to in material chem since the other girl, my lab mate for 1 year, Nga (a Vietnamese) is too much of a slacker ~_~ Then we all have to wait until next year (sem 2) to see everybody again...I hope next time we will be more united (2x7 hrs lab man, wheeee XD)

But still...friends do come and go I guess, it's very hard to make commitment for forever friends unless you guys are like so special...it's good that we all still have KTB hehe

Currently feeling: sleepy

Do we need any more arguments than these to become intercessors-that Christ "always lives to make intercession" ( Hebrews 7:25 ), and that the Holy Spirit "makes intercession for the saints"? Are we living in such a relationship with others that we do the work of intercession as a result of being the children of God who are taught by His Spirit? We should take a look at our current circumstances. Do crises which affect us or others in our home, business, country, or elsewhere, seem to be crushing in on us? Are we being pushed out of the presence of God and left with no time for worship? If so, we must put a stop to such distractions and get into such a living relationship with God that our relationship with others is maintained through the work of intercession, where God works His miracles.

Beware of getting ahead of God by your very desire to do His will. We run ahead of Him in a thousand and one activities, becoming so burdened with people and problems that we don’t worship God, and we fail to intercede. If a burden and its resulting pressure come upon us while we are not in an attitude of worship, it will only produce a hardness toward God and despair in our own souls. God continually introduces us to people in whom we have no interest, and unless we are worshiping God the natural tendency is to be heartless toward them. We give them a quick verse of Scripture, like jabbing them with a spear, or leave them with a hurried, uncaring word of counsel before we go. A heartless Christian must be a terrible grief to our Lord.

Are our lives in the proper place so that we may participate in the intercession of our Lord and the Holy Spirit?

Living Simply...Yet Focused

Look at the birds of the air . . . . Consider the lilies of the field . . .
—Matthew 6:26, 28

Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin"— they simply are! Think of the sea, the air, the sun, the stars, and the moon— all of these simply are as well— yet what a ministry and service they render on our behalf! So often we impair God’s designed influence, which He desires to exhibit through us, because of our own conscious efforts to be consistent and useful. Jesus said there is only one way to develop and grow spiritually, and that is through focusing and concentrating on God. In essence, Jesus was saying, "Do not worry about being of use to others; simply believe on Me." In other words, pay attention to the Source, and out of you "will flow rivers of living water" ( John 7:38 ). We cannot discover the source of our natural life through common sense and reasoning, and Jesus is teaching here that growth in our spiritual life comes not from focusing directly on it, but from concentrating on our Father in heaven. Our heavenly Father knows our circumstances, and if we will stay focused on Him, instead of our circumstances, we will grow spiritually— just as "the lilies of the field."

The people who influence us the most are not those who detain us with their continual talk, but those who live their lives like the stars in the sky and "the lilies of the field"— simply and unaffectedly. Those are the lives that mold and shape us.

If you want to be of use to God, maintain the proper relationship with Jesus Christ by staying focused on Him, and He will make use of you every minute you live— yet you will be unaware, on the conscious level of your life, that you are being used of Him.

These two daily quiet time passages have been a blessing for me, who's often trapped in the busyness of life...I hope it'll be such blessings for you all too

Currently feeling: rejuvenated

Cinta...? A very cliche word of some kind of feeling...some people call it butterflies-in-your-stomach feeling, which is ewww, so untrue I must say, to love is to give, to sacrifice, to commit oneself to another person joyfully, the previous definition is just too shallow to be true...

Pendpt saya tentang cinta sih...terbentuk dari pengalaman2 saya sebelumnya..., dan juga dari pengalaman teman2 saya hehehe :D (and...of course has been influenced by Christianity and the Bible too )

Just want to share somehow...dulu saya pernah in a relationship with a classmate during highschool...guess what, we're PDKT-ing each other through online gaming (you guess the name of the game ). Pas di dunia maya kita bisa ngobrol panjang banget, biasa curhat2an dsb tapi pas ketemu di kelas, wew, jadi diam sekali meskipun pada akhirnya jadian jg It was so stupid and made me so sick you know...bcos...the real attraction and adoration was just...NOT there...In the end, we decided to break up because we know it was never real from the start anyway... So, guys and girls...never ever try this kind of relationship, if it doesn't work in the real world then it just will never ever work for you and the guy/girl...

I dunno why, but usually, once a guy/girl has been in a relationship at least once, then his/her personality will start to change to fit in to a member of the opposite sex easily. Do u know what I mean? Without any experience of being in a relationship, we often find it harder and harder to attract someone that we really like (more often we attract unwanted admirers instead, don't you think so? hahaha ). I think it's because when you've never been close (close here is defined as frequent communication with a special kind of care added inside ) to someone you like, you will just end up...having your heart beats too fast near the person, having yourself cannot be yourself in front of him/her, salah tingkah lah, gak bs ngomong lah, jadi diem lah, dsb. Then, how are you going to make him/her like you? Hello...? Sebenernya hal2 seperti ini biasa terjadi pada orang2 yang introvert sih...or not? I dunno, maybe extroverts out there would love to share their experience? hehehe

Kesimpulannya...never try to be in want of a relationship if you've never been in one. Just let God lead your way Love will come to you when you least expect it...trust me...and that's when you can be yourself with that person

Currently feeling: happy

Too bad belum ada anak Indo lain yang share my passion in organic chemistry, it's such an amazing thing...padahal kalo physics kayaknya banyak yg suka gt. Aww man, I luv how we can predict reactions through this knowledge, through the knowledge of knowing where the electron goes...I just can't help but falling in love with it...since organic chem happens a lot in nature also, in our body...etc...Being able to synthesize important compounds which were only available in nature only, I think organic chem is a very popular field in the whole chemistry business nowadays...From medicines (small molecules) to plastics and materials (aka polymer, giant-sized molecules), all are made using organic chemistry knowledge.

But the downside and the evil side of it is that...organic lab is...ultimately evil...the process is very intricate, needs very skilled and fast hands, almost like kung fu already, otherwise, the process can take very long if you can't think so fast and prepare the equipments (which are a lot...of course) readily from one process to the next...hahaha one thing that an absent-minded person like me cannot do...I really find it hard to concentrate for so long and I also have short-term memory disorder, I can never remember what to do after each process, which makes me the slowest student to finish in the organic lab hahaha

Anyhow...even after going 7 hrs labs (and 30 minutes more for the last session) for 3 times to synthesize things, without lunch in between hahaha(unlike other chem labs) I still like organic and will still want to learn more about it, whether theoretically (my lecturer calls it "paper chemistry" ) or in the lab...however hellish it can be...This must be what called true love, a true passion...however annoying, irritating, etc you find something to be, you'll still want to stick to it...whether it's a person or a thing...how much suffering you have to endure, you just can't be bothered anymore...I wish I could do so for God  

Currently feeling: relieved

From now on, I will fight for any chances for interview that come to me!! I guess last time for the 2 interviews, I did not have much chance to practice answering questions...so for this interview to get into Rhodia, I will fight :D Moreover, I'll have plenty of time to prepare myself, physically, mentally, and emotionally :D

 P.S. The senior's IA report was found by me this morning at another cabinet at the Applied Chem Lab -_-'' Thank God for that...

Currently listening to: 183 Club - Mo Fa
Currently feeling: relieved

Never ever think that your academic merits and success will land you a job by itself. Semester ini, saya merasakan sendiri...bagaimana pahitnya jadi orang dengan nilai yang bagus2 (bukan sombong ya, tp kenyataan, temen2 saya yang jauh di bawah saya nilai2nya tp mrk dpt job lgs dan segera gt loh) tapi dengan kemampuan bahasa Inggris yang rendah (maklum stl lulus sma baru ke sg gt) dan oral skill yang payah...all my achievements they certainly have looked down upon, and they concentrate just at that short moment of interview, that short moment of exchanging ideas with me...if they don't like it, they see just a slight weakness in me, probably something that makes them think I'm just not ready for the job...they'd definitely kick me out, they just won't want me...Selama ini saya berpikir, pasti dg nilai2 yang lebih, mrk secara otomatis akan lebih memilih saya dari teman2 saya yang nilainya pas2an...dan ternyata pendpt saya ini...SALAH BESAR teman2...yah SALAH BESAR.

Moral of the story... Never study for mere grades...it's just totally NOT WORTH IT...study for KNOWLEDGE and SKILLS (I'm not joking, skills are very important nowadays, especially communication skills, only knowledge and intelligence will get you no where)...so that you can glorify God in whatever field He puts you in...

Currently listening to: Guang Liang - Yue Ding
Currently feeling: energetic

Indo:

• People and relationship oriented (bahasa kerennya high-culture)
• Low sense of responsibility in doing work dan high apathy
• Kalo bertemen lebih nggak surface level doang
• Nggak suka menyelesaikan masalah secara jantan, lebih suka lari aja (ini sebagian besar yah...tentu saja ada dr kita yang nggak demikian ). Lebih nggak terbuka dr org Singapore. Lower self-confidence than Singaporeans in voicing opinions. Takut melukai perasaan pihak lain karena relationship-oriented
• Nggak gitu bisa empati sama org lain (yah disebabkan krn apathy)
• Lebih idealis dari org Singapore
• Banyak nggak seriusnya, tp positifnya jarang stres (yah kecuali org2 tertentu lagi2 )

Singaporean:

• Result-oriented (Low-culture)
• Quite high sense of responsibility
• Kalo bertemen surface level doang, berteman krn sama2 butuh
• Lebih terbuka dalam menyelesaikan masalah bersama. Krn orientasinya bener2 menyelesaikan masalah, bukan ke relationshipnya
• Lebih mengerti kesulitan yang dihadapi org lain (liat aja org Indo, kalo ada org barang2nya jatuh semua, belum tentu ditolongin, tp kalo org Singapore, generally lebih mau memberikan pertolongan) krn level kepedulian lebih tinggi
• Praktis dan pragmatis banget
• Lebih banyak yang serius, often very stressed-out

Disclaimer: Ini hanya merupakan pengamatan saya dan possibility of high-level bias is very high

Currently feeling: pessimistic

Sebenernya apa sih ukuran keberhasilan suatu persekutuan ? Apalagi ISCF gt loh...(apa sih visi kita?) apakah jumlah org yang datang? Apakah salah kalo bbrp kali aja gak dtg PU/PD karena emang ada hal lain yg harus dikerjakan? Bukankah seharusnya ukuran keberhasilan kita adalah tingkat pertumbuhan saudara2 kt di ISCF? Dilihat dr hidup mereka sendiri...hidup sehari2, bukan cuma pameran di depan anak2 ISCF sendiri. Toh Tuhan Yesus bilang kalo kita berbuat baik lakukanlah dengan rahasia biarlah Bapa yang melihat kita melakukannya dengan diam2 yang reward kita... I'm honestly sad...I thought what God wants is for us...to love Him more, to love each other more, to be more to His likeness, to be His accountable witness...instead of coming to every ISCF event...instead of having some kind of regular routine of spiritual activities...isn't that so???

Currently feeling: sad

I trust God for I have put my matter into His hands...I'll let Him do whatever He thinks is good for it.

 I cannot judge and will not judge this person on my own...I'll stay silent no matter what for this subject.

Currently feeling: peaceful

I'm going to have wisdom tooth surgery as soon as I go back to Surabaya, I can't stand this anymore...it's decreasing my concentration to study for final exams...*sigh* I hope it'll recover for a while soon...

Currently feeling: uncomfortable

Currently feeling: tempted

now:

-study physical chem, organic chem, polymer chem, and analytical chem

after exams & camp:

-watch Goong/Palace/Princess Hours/Imperial Household, hen qi guai...so many names...

-make a nicer blog design for this blog, preferably using an asian drama layout (L)

-go back to Surabaya, have wisdom tooth surgery, then enjoy a few days in Sby with Richard if God permits

-on May 30th must go back to Sg and work for IA, kalo dipikir2 dikudai juga yah kerja sebulan 40 hrs per week dg gaji S$700, or maybe less? I still dunno, and dun want to care now...

I wish I were Bigung ma ma haha XD anyhow it's so funny how it's becoming so hard to find canned regular nescafe from vending machines in pgp...exams, eh? Is it actually that stressful?

Currently feeling: dreamy

I guess I'm a bit of influenced by the Korean TV Drama, "Goong"...I'm warning you K-drama lovers out there not to watch it if you're afraid of getting addicted for the time being...cos 99.9% you will

There is this main male character named Shin, who is a prince of Korea (yea, they made up South Korea to be a constitutional monarch in 2006 )...I gotta say that his life has been such a play of fate...it's like he's never got to do things he really wanted to do in his life, he even got to marry a girl he didn't like at first and to break up with his girlfriend for 2 years. He's like a doll played by his parents, the king and the queen of course...and all the 'moyang's due to his status in the kingdom. Actually, this is somehow similar to my life story...I have never been able to do things I have always wanted to do...things I wanted to improve on...such as drawing manga, web designing, dancing, or acting...To be honest, I was exposed to these forms of art when I was young (well not acting lar, I was exposed into acting later in high school)... I've been such a fan of the arts ever since I was small... My friend and I wrote an amateur "manga" before, and I used to have a hunch that my wild imagination would be able to scheme award-winning manga :D Haha sorry if that sounded too hyperbolic...it probably is. I also had a team where we wrote magazines before, teenage magazines It was fun decorating, drawing, and writing...I also have had experience in web designing ever since I was in 5th grade...But soon after I went to secondary school, all these opportunities were taken away from me. Instead I was like...forced to be an expert in science or other things my parents would consider useful for me to secure a future career.

Do you know what I mean? I often imagine what is it like for me to be born as someone else, to have a completely different career path, and to have a different kind of boyfriend...but that...that's illogical, utterly stupid, and selfish, isn't it ? Ah well...I better stop my melancholic and depressive mood sooner or later and concentrate on my exams, which will be until 4th May T_________T

Currently feeling: depressed

Kalau kau tak sanggup menjadi beringin yang tegak dipuncak bukit, jadilah saja belukar.
Tapi belukar terbaik yang tumbuh ditepi danau.
Kalau kau tak sanggup menjadi belukar, jadilah saja rumput.
Tapi rumput yang memperkuat tanggul pinggiran jalan.
Tidak semua jadi kapten.
Tentu harus ada awak kapalnya.
Bukan besar kecilnya tugas yang menjadikan tinggi rendahnya nilai dirimu.
Jadilah saja dirimu, sebaik-baiknya dirimu sendiri.

- Soe Hok Gie

Ah...how I love and miss Indonesian literature...btw this poem/quote is quoted from Marie's (anak ICy year 4 life science) blog

Currently feeling: rushed

2 Timothy 4:2 - Preach the Word; be prepared in season and out of season; correct, rebuke, and encourage--with great patience and careful instruction.

Many of us suffer from the unbalanced tendency to "be ready" only "out of season." The season does not refer to time; it refers to us. This verse says, "Preach the Word! Be ready in season and out of season." In other words, we should "be ready" whether we feel like it or not. If we do only what we feel inclined to do, some of us would never do anything. There are some people who are totally unemployable in the spiritual realm. They are spiritually feeble and weak, and they refuse to do anything unless they are supernaturally inspired. The proof that our relationship is right with God is that we do our best whether we feel inspired or not.

One of the worst traps a Christian worker can fall into is to become obsessed with his own exceptional moments of inspiration. When the Spirit of God gives you a time of inspiration and insight, you tend to say, "Now that I’ve experienced this moment, I will always be like this for God." No, you will not, and God will make sure of that. Those times are entirely the gift of God. You cannot give them to yourself when you choose. If you say you will only be at your best for God, as during those exceptional times, you actually become an intolerable burden on Him. You will never do anything unless God keeps you consciously aware of His inspiration to you at all times. If you make a god out of your best moments, you will find that God will fade out of your life, never to return until you are obedient in the work He has placed closest to you, and until you have learned not to be obsessed with those exceptional moments He has given you.

Note from me:

As a Christian myself, I had always fallen in this trap I must admit...in fact saya sebelumnya berpikir kalo seorang Kristen tidak mendpt inspirasi dr Tuhan (I mean merasa biasa2 saja), berarti rohaninya sedang ada masalah. Tapi ternyata tidak, thanks God in fact I'm inspired now lol...God knows well when I really need to be inspired by His words...yeap...baru saja menggumulkan ttg rencana pencalonan ketua dan sekretaris...banyak keraguan rasanya, krn saya orgnya mudah down, tapi setiap kali saya merasa ingin mengundurkan diri untuk beristirahat dr pelayanan yang hectic di NUS-ISCF, sptnya saya tidak rela. Karena saya sebenernya concern sama junior2 saya, akan masa dpn ISCF, gimana kalo makin banyak dr mereka mengalami kepahitan2 di ISCF spt saya hanya karena manajemen human resource yang salah? I'd feel so bad if I didn't try to make changes, to repair the management by contributing my opinions from my own experiences. I believe that noone understands my position unless that person has experienced what I did. But still...I dunno, eventhough I've experienced so many troubles to learn from while in ISCF, it's not the people in ISCF that I dislike...but it's the management...

Even watching Goong until episode 21 has inspired me about this whole thing  Ah well, tommorow I'll have organic exam, better do the past year papers now...ngiri deh sama Richard yang udah kelar exam hari ini

Currently feeling: thankful

I'm thinking of registering for Conversational Basic Korean level I course at NUS extension which starts on 24th June...anyone wants to join ?

University time is a good period for enrichment...

Currently feeling: energetic

I want to officially retire from any leader positions in ISCF starting next year...yep, it's time to hand over to others who have not had the "experience" yet...I hope my spirituality will recover afterwards since it's been scarred quite deeply...mau meledak rasane, org sek exam ya diganggu ae, keterlaluan kok, kabeh2 kok aku seh...gila bee...

Currently feeling: pissed

Kalo ada perkumpulan/organisasi yang bisa membuat gila, atau terganggu kejiwaannya...ya itulah ISCF...buat orang pengen mati aja...drpd gw lama2 mati beneran, mendingan out of the game deh...

Korban so far sem ini: J, D, Y...
Korban semester lalu: E, A, mungkin O juga...
Korban tahun lalu: M, S, L

Lha...kok mantan/current exco semua? Yah itulah realita yang terjadi di ISCF...